


When I am Dreaming

by citruscherry



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Lucid Dreaming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:22:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23379805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citruscherry/pseuds/citruscherry
Summary: When an Insomniac suddenly gets a proper sleep while a White Rabbit Mascot accompanies her jumping through dreams
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Im Nayeon, Chou Tzuyu/Myoui Mina, Kim Dahyun/Son Chaeyoung, Minatozaki Sana/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. [1]

I am in an abyss, a black hole. And everything happens to be in pitch black. I walk endlessly inside this infinite world without the thought of stopping. 

I. Need. To. Find. A. Single. Hole. Or I am gonna die. 

No, I won't let that happen. But the more time I spend inside the black hole, the more it embraces me towards death. No escape and no hope. Not a single shine of light peaks in the distance. But I can't give up, not until I see a glimpse of light from far away. A dot, a spec of hope.

As I run closer to the light, I notice how it forms a recatngular array of lights. It was a door leading to a place that I have no idea. I grab the knob, turned it and slowly open it. Bright white light penatrates my eyes even when it's closed. The bigger I open the door, the heavier the athmosphere becomes, as if the area is vaccum sealed. When the door is fully open, I notice how vast the other side— a world full of bed. I walk in awe as I inspect every inch my eyes can reach. Infinity. A few steps ahead, I notice a tall man in a gentleman suit. Quite a looker, black wavy hair, pointy nose, big round eyes, fair skin, and to be honest, he reminds me of someone I know.

"Excuse me but do you know where is the exit?"

He chuckles and spread his arms as if he owns the whole place.  
"This place doesn't have an exit" 

"Then where am I?" I walk closer to him. He doesn't bother doing the same and now I find myself standing close to him and whispers

"A place between dream and reality. The conscious and subconscious. A blank space in your mind" 

It's cold— His breath, the room, and my body that it brings shivers down to my last bone. This place is far from warm. The lights decieves its viewer— this is a purgatory. 

3 steps backward, he chuckles. Another step back, he grins. This guy is, instead of intimidating, is full of himself. 

"Then why did you call me here?" 

His smirk, why is it making me confused. I find it very familiar. He spreads his arms once again and a bed just fly through between us.   
"This bed is yours, and these beds that you see belongs to other people. This is your portal through dream and reality"

But his words were not as pleasant as it seems.   
"But it can turn in to your deathbed"   
Those words send chills as if the temperature is already cold. I gulp, frozen on my spot, speechless and in constant fear. Who would like to know that a bed can be your coffin? And as I realize that these beds that float around has bodies in it, some has its covers all the way up to their head, feet are aligned— like dead people in morgues. 

They are dead. Unmoving and breathless. People die here and I can be one of them. 

I think I am going to puke and die here instantly. 

"Now hold on. It's true that you can die here, but my purpose— my existence is to guide and help you avoid it. Those bodies that you see, are those who didn't take this world seriously"

That didn't help. All it did to me is add the pressure and get terrified. He walks towards me but this time, his smile is different. He is actually encouraging me.   
"I'll give you a fact. Those who survive here figured out that everything related here can be solved in the real world"

He pulls me towards him and lay me softly on the bed.  
"We'll see each other again, soon" 

And the moment I lay down my head, he kissed my forehead, sending me back to reality. 

I woke up. 

I remember dreaming about this weird dream the day before I got accepted in to the soccer team. It was the day I found out that the owner of the room facing mine is actually the girlfriend of the captain of the men's team that I was crushing on. Never was this dream ever popped up again in forever and I hope it will never. 

\-----------

I can't sleep. I worry that I might mess up the game tomorrow.  
I can't sleep. Because it is my last game tomorrow.  
I can't sleep. Are my team mates mad at me for quitting because I don't enjoy the sport anymore?   
I can't sleep. My neighbors said they will watch my last game.

I can't sleep, simply because I am insomniac.

I stare at the ceiling as the light slowly penetrate the window curtains as each seconds pass. It's already 5 AM.

"Can my heart stop beating fast so I can sleep for 4 hours" 

I know I can't. It is hard, and I have been like this since I was little. I will eventually fall asleep later, if I just stop constantly overthinking that makes my heart beat fast.

The chunk of blood pumping tissue said no, so.

6 AM. The sun is fully up in the sky.

"Ughh I give up" I curled inside my blanket, shut my eyes and do wish that I fall asleep.

  
I didn't.   
I find myself at 2 PM, inside the scorching field, running and blocking players, trying to help the team score a goal. Ecstatic shouts from supporters from both teams. And beneath those loud scream, I can quite distinguish my dorm mates' voices.

"Tzuyu! Woooooh go kick that goal!" Nayeon unnie screamed.   
"That's our dorm mate woooh! Chou Tzuyu from Engineering! Wooooh"

I never liked attention. With how they scream my whole name, jersey number, my college department, for sure, people have their eyes on me for a while now.   
Though I noticed one thing. An unnoticeable person. Where is Mina unnie? Maybe she went on a date around the campus with her boyfriend— her _too_ good looking soccer player boyfriend— or maybe she's around the bleachers, watching with him.   
Well, not that I care. I find her boyfriend attractive, and it feels awkward to find my team mate walking my dorm mate home— the _team mate_ thing makes it hard for me not to be attracted. There is nothing wrong with attractions, I know. But it feels wrong to be attracted to the boyfriend of my dorm mate who lives across.

That aside, I kicked the ball to another player. And that was the last thing I did in my career. We won. I know it sucks that I wasn't the one who made the victory possible, but I never wanted it. I am fine with being an anonymous player, who anonymously drops out of career too. But that, too, is not the case for me. I have always been in the rosters. A permanent player that always last in the whole game.

After my team mates hugged me in the showers, saying their farewells and wishes, I went out of the lockers for the first time as a former athlete. My eight dorm mates— who previously shouted their whole soul and insides out just to cheer for me— waited for me and greeted me with congratulatory words.   
"But I didn't score a goal this time" I smiled. I question their happiness on my performance.

Jeongyeon unnie made sure to tug me and envelope her arm around my shoulder, assuring that I did well.  
"Hey, you're the most nimble there okay? It doesn't matter if you scored a goal or not"  
"And besides, you were the MVP of the match even without a goal" Nayeon unnie followed.

"Ah, so you do admit that I look cool out there? " I retorted back in a sarcastic manner. I must have ticked her there.   
"Hey, I am serious at all. There might be no proclaimed MVP, but you are the most active and quick among them. You're still the MVP for us" though it might look like we just love to play with eachother, somehow, I feel glad she said that. I don't want my last game to be a bore that I didn't manage to get a wink last night.

I noticed someone behind all of them, a woman clad in black hoodie, black jeans, and black shoes. Someone who stands behind a group of friends— like I do. That someone who I always stand with behind them. Myoui Mina, the girl who was absent throughout the whole game.

I leaned to the side and peek at her.  
"Mina unnie, you didn't watch the game?" I asked her with a smile. I would understand since her boyfriend would be leaving the school to join the nationals. It is either watch my match or spend the remaining time with him. I would even urge her to pick the latter.  
"She watched. Everyone's so busy cheering for you yet she just waved her hand while sitting" Jihyo unnie explained, her arms crossed, looking at Mina unnie with disappointment that she can't do anything about it.  
"I am too tired to stand. But I did cheer for you and wished you luck!" she smiled. I guess cheering so loud like the others doesn't match up with her personality.

Unlike Mina unnie, everyone in the dorm seems to be different— different from us in the least. When everyone is in different bright color, chatting, having fun. Us, the two of us, are in grayscale with splash of color from their own paint, as we watch them play with glee.

"Barbecue night is tonight, right?" I ask  
"Ohhh, your treat right?" Dahyun claps her hand in excitement "That's what I love you for" she adds   
"I never loved you"

Maybe I won't treat them tonight.

Mina unnie excused herself while we roam around the school, saying "It's his last day here. He requested this meeting, too. I'll go straight there"

Understandable. Mina unnie is not the kind to leave us for unreasonable excuses— though there are things I really don't like with their relationship. Mostly it is his cause.

"Hey Tzuyu!" I turn around and find him running towards me and enveloped me with a big, deep, hug. Chaeyoung who is beside me is startled.

"Congratulations on the win!" he smiled at me as he grabs my shoulder. I, who maintains my straight posture, stiffen by his touch. His blonde, wavy hair dominates my peripheral vision, as if the things I see in front of me doesn't exist. His manly scent intoxicates me, removing my consciousness little by little.   
He breaks the hug but his hands never left my shoulder.  
"I hope the next time we meet, you are either back in the team or you are having a healthy sleep again. Anyways, I need to leave. Congratulations again!" he kept me frozen on my spot for a minute after he left. 

"Earth to Tzuyu" Chaeyoung claps in front of my face, successfully retrieving me back from my outer space-like journey towards short term Nirvana.  
"Oh?" I stuttered as I give half of my attention to her.

She stared at me unammused. Silence were our friend for a moment.   
"Mina unnie will kill you"

I think of her again. I don't know her that much to make such statement as Chaeyoung. I would either believe her or say that she is exaggerating things.

Chaeyoung and I hurriedly walk towards the restaurant where we are supposed to meet. Everyone except Mina unnie is there. The aroma of the grilling meat, the loud noise emmited by the grilling and the natural oil of the meat, the smell of the smoke, and the slightly dimmed lights of the restaurant gets me at ease after the hug. Mina unnie can't ever know what happened.

Speaking of her, she already arrived. Gloomy, red eyes, and stuffy nose. In what place or event did she come from? Did she know what happened? I am curious, but that is not what I should be thinking of. 

"What happened?" everyone except me asked her.

But she ended up crying again.

Everyone decided to have our scheduled _monthly party day_ be held in advance just to tend Mina unnie. Inside Nayeon unnie's dimly lit room, we sit inside in circle and listened to her. It turns out her boyfriend broke up with her because of his _career_

  
That's what I hated about her boyfriend. His only good keeping features are his looks. He is a selfish guy who is possesive of Mina unnie to the point that she haven't been with us for a while. He will call her out of the blue while she is with us and she will immediately comply to go to him.

It was toxic. Manipulative even. His good looks will make you think he seem to be an angel in disguise— but it was the counter part.  
Everyone comforts her as much as they could. I saw Nayeon unnie eyeing me to try and comfort her and talk. Internally panicking, All I could think of is giving her advice on something I never had experienced before. Each second that passes, Nayeon unnie constantly signals me to do it. 

And then I snapped  
"I never liked him for you. You lost your time with us while he keeps investing his time with friends than with you. He even forbids you to hang out with us. What kind of boyfriend is he for him not to support you with your friends?" They all looked at me. Intensely and with wrath, they all know that is what they wanted to tell her, but of course they won't. Jeongyeon unnie make a slicing neck gesture at me as she pampers Mina unnie. Her sobs intensifies.

In the end, she asked us to leave her alone, like a little kitten curling to a ball in Nayeon unnie's bed— she may have forgotten that her room is at the other end of the hallway.

"Kicked out of her own room" Snickers came out almost from everyone but mainly from Jeongyeon unnie. Nayeon unnie rolled her eyes and sighed as she turns to me.  
"I know you are savage and blunt especially to me, but wow, you are one big fcking idiot" 

I—

"Knowing Mina, she will not hate us for thinking like that. Rather, she will put the blame on herself" Sana unnie stated.

I froze as I watch them talk with the numbing silence I hear. I don't understand what they are talking about, their voices translates into a ring the moment my ears recieve them. I was devastated, anxious, even.   
"Shhhh, let's not talk about it in front of Nayeon's room" Jeongyeon unnie said. Nayeon unnie walks towards Jihyo unnie's room and never looked back at me once again, while the rest follows her and went to their respective rooms. I was left alone to stand there.

I made someone disappointed again.

\--  
Busy, bustling Market place. I walk the street with doubt and guilt. The bustling city have not slightly affected my mood at all. Daylight's painful yet soothing kisses linger on my skin as every second I stay under the sun. People walk fast paced, uninterested of the surrounding as long as they reach their destination. Where was I going? I don't remember, all I know is that I am restless. Something inside me churns. Why? I also don't know, I am just walking without a destination. I walk and walk and walk. Chilling hot wind slaps my skin. It was dreadful. I saw a white rabbit mascot standing in front of a whack-a-mole and furiously smashes each moles that pops up— yet instead of a mole, it was a dog, a white chihuahua that looks like Gucci to be exact. 

All of a sudden, the surrounding became deserted. The fancy floor concrete transforms into dirt. The normal korean market district changes to a western one, saloons everywhere, and sheriff stars as designs for signages. It is only me and the fuzzy rabbit mascot. My clothes seem to change to an arabic clothings, clothed all over to protect myself from the harmful rays.  
Since I had no destination in mind, I decided to approach the obnoxious rabbit, occupied as it plays. 

Trembling footsteps approaches the cotton-being. It turns around and looks at me with its red eyes, then it pops and transform in to a rose— deep, bright red petals.

I want another rabbit, I think as I walk endlessly again. I saw a signage  
"7/11" I said. A convenience store in the middle of the wild west? How cool. 

I enter inside, bells chimed and the painful pleasure of the cold air staggers deep in to my skin, refreshing my senses. I scan the isles in hopes to find something useful or to eat. But rather than food or equipments, I saw an emperor penguin and the rabbit mascot, just staring at me. An emperor penguin...

Do penguins live in the desert? Maybe, I don't know.

The penguin seems to be vulnerable. I approached and picked it up. Eye contact that are too intimate, the penguin slaps my face and runs around the store. 

Do penguins slap people? Maybe.

I stand there completely idle, looking for biscuits for the journey when I heard cute footsteps towards me and pecks my leg. It was the emperor penguin, with a bandage on hand. I picked it up again for one last time and it suddenly puts a bandage on my cheek. It felt warm, its cute until I was devastated when it popped and disappeared, blood stains on my clothes.

"What the?!" I had no time to comprehend what is happening. A quicks sand appears beneath me and sucks me in. 

I feel helpless.

"Mom!" I screamed as I fall deeper.

Deeper

  
Deeper…

  
Deeper until I found my self falling in a deep abyss of darkness, clothes changing to a pajama, seeing a small white speck below me. Slowly becoming identifiable— It was my bed. I fall faster but lighter. Body slowly shifting to my back.

My buttocks touched the bed, magically turning to feathers. I closed my eyes and as I open it, I am back in my room— lying down on my own bed at 4 AM. 

I was dreaming.

I sit up and rub my eyes. I am fully awake. 

Now I answer my questions from my dream.  
"Rabbits and penguins don't explode"

4:10, I looked up at the clock.   
" _—You are one big fcking idiot_ " I sighed. Anxiety kissed me back to its arms. Nayeon unnie's stress might have evolved when we were kicked out of the room. I understand that and she has the right to be mad. But I can't convince myself that I didn't disappoint her. I may have disappointed other people that I have no idea how.

Anxiety and I will make love till dawn.

11 AM. I took lunch early before my 12:30 PM class inside the university's canteen. Various incoherent voices from students. Black sea of hair from a distance, or sometimes a speck of different color, I eat my lunch at peace— on the outside.

  
 _"Knowing Mina, she will not hate us for thinking like that. Rather, she will put the blame on herself"_ I knew it. My life will never be at ease. I thought that at least inside that dorm, my anxiousness will somehow be unfrequent— not thinking about my non-existent problems, having someone to talk to, or just have their presence that comforts me. Well it ended on my 2nd year of college. I wonder if they notice that I was missing earlier.

  
"Damn, I wonder if they changed them already" I heard as someone sit down at my table. I know it is Chaeyoung and Dahyun but I decided not to give them attention. I admit that I was not too invested on them that I don't know if they were mad at me last night.  
"I hope so, they were the worst prof I ever had" Chaeyoung replied. I assume it was about the changing of their professors at one of their joint classes. I remain silent beside them, though, with a spacious gap between Dahyun and I.

I continued to eat, bothered by their presence. They continue to talk about how annoying their class was until they saw me take my last bite and prepped my plate.  
"Hey Tzuyu, why did you leave so early? Everyone lowkey freaked out" They did? I don't want to believe yet one thing that I know about Chaeyoung and Dahyun is that they never exaggerate a situation.  
"A-ahhh… I just wanted to" I replied with my head lowered. Avoiding eye contact with them.

I looked at my empty plate, greasy with the brown substance. I assumed that they will leave me alone after I avoided the question. What something new I learned about Chaeyoung is that physical touch was never an issue nor something to be put malice on. Yet, her soft finger tips sink into the depths of my cheeks as she lifts my head up and stares at me intently. Her eyes, her stare— it sent me feelings of twisted strings inside my stomach. 

She released her grip softly and continues her food.  
"You have bags under your eyes. You are stressed, huh? Didn't sleep properly for the past days, too. I told you, you can come to my room and talk to me until you fall asleep, or just sleep beside me if it will help" Chaeyoung said, disappointment hidden in her concern. 

"Or you could just give us a call and we'll go directly to your room and party all night— I mean stay up with you all night long" Dahyun added. I appreciate their concern but with last night's circumstance, I don't think it was possible.

"I just can't" I stuttered. They keep asking me why until they back down and realized what happened last night. They stay mum for a while before they tried to talk until they saw an aquaintance. An aquaintance that I purposely avoid today— Nayeon unnie.

"Oh, Nayeon unnie. Running late again?" they said as she rushes towards the exit. I continue to hang my head low as I don't want her to notice nor see me.  
"Yeah, have projects to rush and I forgot my class today. See you later guys" and she's off. This anxious feeling, the twisted strings inside my stomach intensifies. I feel the need to apologize for yesterday to them yet my fears restrains me to.   
"I have to go, too" I hurriedly pack my bag and stand up much to my fear.   
"Hey, Tzu" Chaeyoung called for the last time. I turned around hesitantly. I might have seen them in their most genuinely concern.  
"Don't think about last night too much. It was nothing. Nayeon unnie? It will pass"

It all sinked in to me. In the span of two years, I didn't try to invest knowing them. All I did consider is how they will treat me. As long as I treat them nicely, they will too. But I didn't consider some things that it may be _nice_ to me. To them, it may not and I don't really know how to confront them when the time comes that I anger them.

And it is not only Nayeon unnie. Mina unnie was hurt more.

  
Night came and I did not attempt to eat with them. I know that everyone might have forgotten about it already, but my mind decides that it is not. This central processing mind of mine says that it might be awkward, tense, and silent if I put my presence inside that small box of a room. 

And because of that, I can't sleep. 

Here I am, in my usual routine again, staring at this room's white, age-stained ceiling, and I clearly know the reason. If there is one thing that can solve all these conflicts, that is to apologize to them right now. And since I can't sleep,   
I remember them telling me to just go knock on their room whenever it happens. I have slept with them more than once— except for Mina unnie.   
It''s a no for Nayeon unnie, and besides, the last time I slept in her room she throwed tantrums on me and broke down, and we slept besides each other the moment she stopped crying.   
Jeongyeon unnie's was a little peaceful but the moment I left a bread crumb, she nags at me the whole day.   
There's too much food on Momo unnie's room and it is too messy to sleep on her bed also.  
In Sana unnie's case, I have chills whenever I sleep there. She keeps cuddling me that I rather sleep in my own room than get strangled to death.   
Jihyo unnie's the Jeongyeon unnie number 2 but as someone who didn't undergo military training, she's more strict than the actual police of this dorm, and it is scary.  
Dahyun… Dahyun is too exhausted to even let me in to sleep. There was one time when I actually caught her inside but at the time we were about to rest, her manager called and had a double-pay shift offered to her. It was like sleeping inside ny own room, too.  
And as for Chaeyoung, her room is the biggest among us yet the space is smaller than our room because of her excessive things cluttered around. It is like walking inside the whole 1900's with her colections of various objects and replicas that can be mistaken that dated from early 1910's. It is as if you saw the dark ages, golden age, renaissance, the great depression, industrial revolution and other more eras, in just one room. Her paint equipments also are just scattered around.

Maybe those facts that I stated are the signs that tell me to go and sleep at Mina unnie's room, then apologize about yesterday. She can be the one to help me with my sleep problems and also so that I can add my experience to the narrative. I went out of my room, walk closely to her door and stopped. It feels like those 3 steps in between our rooms took forever. Heart is racing, feet are cold, I take a deep breath before I ready myself to knock.   
Chou Tzuyu, you are going to sleep inside Myoui Mina's room, the girl you just hurt yesterday, so you are going to apologize. You need this. I need this.

1... 2...

The door suddenly open. Swiftly as if they are in a hurry and wide eyes widened, we stare at each other for a brief second in this close proximity that makes my heart beat crazy. I ask myself if it is because I am surprised or because of our distance. I am the one to take one step away. 

"I— I was about to ask you to sleep together" then smiles at me and continued.   
"Looks like you read my mind. Is it okay to you?" 

My mind is blank. I am too pre-occupied with the idea of Mina unnie asking me first. The way her carefree smile greeted me tangles a series of strings inside of me, as if last night did not happen. How am I suppose to apologize now? 

  
"Tzuyu?"

"Yeah. I would love to!"   
I am taken aback at my own sudden involuntary rumbling of my mouth. If a time machine exists, please let me borrow it so I could turn back time and redo this unsightly scenario.   
"I- I mean, of course" 

Pitiful Chou Tzuyu. You're an embarrassment.   
"Cool. I will prepare you a futon. Just get your pillows and come in if you're ready" 

There goes me, questioning how is she sooooooo cool about last night? How. Can. She. Smile. Like. That. At. Me? 

  
You asked this Tzuyu so stop getting anxious. It just happens that she beats you at asking first, so why panic? Can someone stop this blood-pumping tissue to beat so fast? I get my pillow, earphones, and bolster then head straight to her room. The surge of antsy, tingling feeling persists as I watch Mina unnie move around her room in her black sleeved white baseball shirt— I remember something...

A penguin... From my dream. 

She prepares a futon for me to sleep on. Maybe it is just me but she really looks glad to see me agree to sleep here. It is as if her maternal instincts kicked in so much that it looks adorable. The way she pats the futon after she sets it up is like a child showing their parents the sand castle they made on the beach shore. I really do not know a thing about Mina unnie and it shows.

"I heard that you are the type of person to skip meals with people when you feel you aggravated them" A goal. Like a dart pin digging to the depths of the bull's eye. I remained frozen on my spot. She chuckles, maybe if I am in her situation, I'd be shocked at my facial expression. 

She twirls. In that small movement, the smell of her hair petrifies. Tzuyu, remember the reason why you're here! Stop freezing everytime she do something. 

1... 2... 3

Act fast Tzuyu. 

4... 5...

Don't make this awkward. Stay cool, stay cool, stay cool, stay cool. 

My hand moves. Like a ranging tank on a battlefield trying to claim peace, and when it came to me, I am already holding her arm. There is her twirl again, releasing the sweet fragrance of her silky hair, her surprised expression that looks innocent as ever. 

And it hit me, I am blushing profusely. I revert my eyes the moment she lands her on mine. I ask myself, why is that it feels nice? I want to stare at their eyes and explore its depths. It looks like a great place to relax.

"I- I'm sorry... About last night" 

I didn't let go and I think she doesn't want to. Her eyes never left and continues to look at me as if I am a diamond. And when she smiles at me so warm that caused a sudden spontaneous rise of temperature in me, I panic a little inside. 

She was always behind with me. She has always been silent with me. But that was always been when we are with the others. Now, it will only be the two of us. I want to look at Mina unnie's eyes again and fall asleep in it.

\---------  
I opened my eyes. It is bright and all I can see is infinity. Thousands of bed are floating in the vicinity, some are occupied, some are empty. 

Then I remember. These are actually a bed and coffin at the same time. I sit up and look around to find the man that is residing in this world and the moment I thought of finding him, he magically appeared beside me, lying on my bed at the other end, posing ridiculously with a smirk. 

"Welcome back! And that means something is wrong in your world!" 

But what is wrong in the real world? 

"Why did you summon me again?" 

He stands up and walks toward me that is still sitting on the bed. His eyes that never breaks contact, his lazy steps, and his egoistical smirk inches me to the edge. It is an unpleasant scene. 

"I am here to tell you that your problems can turn in to a monster inside this universe. So if I were you, I am going to fix whatever you are having" 

And before I can tell anything, he do his magic once again and suddenly, he kissed my forehead goodnight without me realizing it happened so fast— as fast as a roaring ocean waves. 

"Have a good dream, Tzuyu" 

\--------  
And then I wake up. I remember I am sleeping in Mina unnie's room. I can feel serenity all over my body— Sunlight dimly lit her room, the curtains are carefully dancing around as she ventilate her room, and the sound of running water turning off somehow relaxes me. I open my eyes slowly, my eye sight is currently blurry and slowly it sharpens. 

Fair, long, and smooth skin welcomes me. The sight of water trickling down her soft skin gives me feelings, tying a knot inside my stomach as the blood pumping tissue beats a million times faster than it should. In the first place, why am I seeing this?

  
Why am I seeing Mina unnie's bare, wet leg— no, why am I seeing her half naked? 


	2. [2]

"You're useless"

The captain said, pointing her sword at me while I hold on to my life as I stand at the end of the plank— with no sign of escape route, not even a sign of a possible voluntary movement as for my feet has been owned by the captain, my mouth has a rope gagged on me, and my hands are tied at my back. As the clock ticks, I know for myself that my soul has some sort of a time bomb. In just minutes, I can go descend up or maybe— down below— floating in this massive body of water, or maybe, get digested inside a shark's intestines.

Yet there are no tears to escape, and somehow it annoys her, I know. She takes of her jacket to subtly flaunt her body in which she does every time she is annoyed at another woman. In this case, she won't get a single tear, and amidst my effort not to fall in to her game, her expression brightens.

"Since you don't show remorse at what you did, let me, at least, torture you for a little bit"

 _"I didn't do a thing and I regret nothing in my life"_ is what I wanted to say.

"N-No... It can't be" Dahyun, her second-in-command, drops to the ground, shaking at the sight of the girl who exits from the cabins, getting ready to walk on the other plank without showing fear.  
"Ch-Chaeyoung..."

With rage and guilt, I screamed on top of my lungs but I was never heard. Incoherent words escape from my own mouth and even I can't hear it. There is nothing I can do for myself, and I ultimately accept my doom as I kneel on the plank, crying for the dear life of my second-in-command. I scream once again and never was heard again; everyone despises me.

"I am liking this scene"  
She laughs at my demise, and I know this will fuel her pride until the day she finally lays on her deathbed, knowing that single fact gives me one more reason to die in here without regret. I, Chou Tzuyu, once lead a fleet of harmonious sailors in to success, until finally getting my rest at the hands of greedy sailors from an on-board mutiny.

"Pull the trigger" the captain commands as Dahyun locks her target on Chaeyoung but shakes and unable to pull the trigger.  
I pleaded Dahyun, so as she pleads to the captain. Her tears finally escape the shallow chambers of her eyes and finally let go of the rifle. Laughter can be heard from the captain and makes her way to the helpless little girl with the rifle. She lifts the gun once again and pointed it to Chaeyoung, with only the captain's strength supports the whole aim, meaning Dahyun has no escape from the grasp of the older girl.

"You want a fact that will make you pull the trigger?" the captain said but Dahyun still refuses.  
"Dahyun, just kill them! You gave everything to that horrible woman but what did you get? She had a relationship while aware of your feelings and talks behind your back!"  
"It is my choice! I know everything" Dahyun retorted  
"No, you don't. Want to know who fucks her at night?" someone from the crowd shouted. The eyes of the captain widen and she quivers with fear. I can tell this is not part of her plan.  
"Wai—" but the younger cut her off.  
"Who?" with fierceness in her voice, she firms her grip on the gun and targets her once again.  
"Your best friend, Mina!"

M-Mina?!  
I kneel in defeat as I stopped trying to fight back. Chaeyoung is having an intimate relationship with Mina, the girl that I am trying to win over for 2 years already. The fact that she knows makes it worse for me to digest.  
"Death to those souls of adulterers"

Everyone went silent, even the waves. The loud impact of the gun still echoes in everyone's ears and Dahyun never showed remorse at the sight of Chaeyoung's blood on the plank. She kneels as she holds for her dear life but in the end, falls to the ocean, instantly swallowed by the waves, never to be seen again.

"Let's get this over with" I hear the gun clicking and feel her aim at me.  
"W-Wait, Dahyun. Calm down!" the captain says.  
No, Dahyun is right. Let's finish this. I have no more will to live. Chaeyoung is already dead, all my loyal men are gone. All I have now is my dear life.

"A-Ack!" The gun once again echoes. Shot through the heart, the bullet pierces and exits my heart. I am falling and my consciousness fades. The last thing I see above the surface of the water is different from earlier. The captain, the one who wants to kill me, rushes towards me in shock, and calls my name.  
"I-Im Nayeon..."

Splash! I feel the water all over me. I let my body rest and accept my fate. I will die any second now. And as I close my eyes, a silhouette jumps in the water and swims towards me, closer, closer, closer...

"HAAAAAAAAAA...." I gasp for air and breathe heavily in my bath tub.

I fell asleep, and looks like I had my head submerged underwater for a long time that I could have drowned.

Trembling and lacking in air, I recall the last thing I saw in my dream— a black figure of a girl with eyes white as snow, lacking pupils, trying to devour me.

I hope I don't dream of this ever again. Now that I think about it, I think I heard a fight from the room next door, triggering my dream. Why is Chaeyoung having an argument with her mother? I really want to know but it is not my business to ask— let, that I am too anxious to ask.

But certainly, there is one thing that keeps running in my mind.

Mina unnie's bare legs.

That fuzzy feeling came back. And it is the first time I feel like this. Who knew that the timid girl like her can casually walk naked inside her room while someone is sleeping?

That event caused me to retreat from the library for a week now. Only Jeongyeon unnie knows that I dream about a naked pair of legs, but she has no idea it is Mina unnie's. Then there is Nayeon unnie, trying to kill me in my dream. I really am hopeless, right?

"My parents and I had a fight" said Chaeyoung as we sit at the cafeteria. Somehow, she's not bothered by a slight. Dahyun, on the side, is the one who is stressed for her, actually.

"Then you left your mom in your room and went god knows where?" she rubs her temples as she close her eyes. She's stressed and it shows.

"They can't accept my passion. They deserve it"

"They don't! — okay. Maybe they do but there are other ways to argue politely while sending your point across!"

But Chaeyoung just rolled her eyes at her, not buying her reason.  
"They never paid attention to my needs and likes. No matter what I do, any reasoning I make, they will never listen to me. All they care about is my other half"  
She released a sigh as she rubs her temple. Giving up persuading her that she is wrong, Dahyun shifted her gaze from Chaeyoung to me.  
"You look like you share the same weight of the world, huh? What about you?" it feels like my insides are shaking. Dahyun noticed. She is staring at my eyes directly as if she's looking at my past, present and future. It is surprisingly scary. It reminds me how she aims the gun at Chaeyoung in my dream earlier.  
"I— I—" I burry my head on the table and steal a glance at them. They are waiting, and it seems like they will be disappointed if I don't talk.  
"I... Keep having weird dreams" I take another glance, see them anticipating and curious. My blood rushes to my face as I remember what really bothers me this whole week. Something new with a strong impact. Something I will never forget for a while.  
"A pair of naked legs keeps appearing... In my dreams"

There and then, I find myself blushing profusely as I think about it. Like a broken record arrogantly pushing itself to play.

"It aint bad, man. Shows that you are interested in _that_ wor—"  
"A woman's legs" I intervene  
"Oooooooh" Dahyun moves back in surprise  
"I mean there is nothing wrong with that— I just didn't expect that from you"

Neither was I expecting that from me.

"P-please don't tell anyone about this. Not even to our dorm mates"

The moment they nod and look at me straight in the eyes, my secret is scattered, sinking down at the bottom of the ocean, never to be heard— with my consent as the key.

I elaborate the dreams I frequently get. From my daily life to old era Asia. My dream never fails me to get weirded out the moment I wake up. Not minding how time flies, we didn't notice how long we have been talking. Chaeyoung got up and readies herself for her next class but before she proceeds, she invites us to one of her shoots again.

"Wanna join Mina unnie and—"  
"I'll pass" Dahyun got me first and she didn't even let her finish the sentence.  
"I— I— I'll pass, too" I added. I really don't want to see her if the only thing I'll keep remembering when I see her is her legs.  
"Sorry but I changed shifts starting tomorrow. Just enjoy your little date with Mina unnie" she said without looking at her.

I feel something. Something very different from the usual.

This scene is somewhat feels straight from a vision.

A Deja vu.

Out of all days, why do I have a Saturday class? My Wednesday is basically free. Sometimes, being an irregular student has perks. You can pick your own class schedule, unlike in a block section.

8 AM. I still have 2 hours to prepare for my first class. Quickly, I take a bath and fix myself luckily around the 30-minute mark. It may seem to be too early, but it's not. A thirty-minute walk going to school plus I need to grab some breakfast first. I decided that I should just stop by the convenience store and eat it when I walk going to school. No one's going to scold me for skipping a meal in our dorm since Dahyun changed shifts. She's probably still sleeping.

The bell chimes, the cold wind of the air conditioner brushes over my nape as it sending a slight shiver down my bones. One of the customers sits at one of the tables inside, fashioned in a sophisticated manner. His hair that parts in the middle, slightly making a curl compliments his white button-up shirt with mandarin collars and black ankle pants while he crosses his legs as he reads a medical-related book.

Somehow, I find him familiar. He looks like someone I know. Maybe I passed him by the last few days, somewhere that has a lot of beds. That really doesn't concern me so I really should continue looking for food and hurry to class.

I grab a piece of Choco-filled bun and milk then proceed to the counter. I quickly look for my wallet on my bag when the cashier greeted me good morning that I stopped my movement as I recognize the voice that shouldn't be here.  
"Dahyun?!" I uttered in surprise. I can sense how she silently angry at herself when she bit her lower lip that almost bleed and shaking her head in disbelief.  
"You skipped breakfast again Tzuyu" her tone isn't friendly at all. Her hands are tense, her eyes that avoids mine, and her sweat that is visible from her sun visor.

I understand. I am someone who she shouldn't see— I am the one who accidentally stumble upon her little secret. I completely understand, and all I can offer for now is to reassure her that this little secret is safe.

"I woke up a little late" then I smile at her bright— a smile that I rarely do to them. For a little, I feel that her tensed hands loosen. Somehow it makes me feel happy.

She puts my items in a bag then I hand her my payment. The customer that I saw earlier walks towards us with a smirk on his face— particularly directed towards me.

"You should know etiquettes when you have a visitor that I don't know, Dahyun" I feel uncomfortable. Even as I lower my head, he didn't stop taking a glance at my face, and for that, his smirk intensifies.  
"Stop it. She's the last person I will introduce to you. And stop hitting on every girl you see, Donghan"

Donghan?

  
"I'm just triggering you" he chuckled at Dahyun.  
"Anyways, I am Donghan" My nerves are acting on its own again. A part of me wants to reject his hands that he extended but the other part says that it is too rude to walk away, so I take his hand and lifelessly shake it with him.  
"Don't mind him. He's a flirt but he's harmless" Dahyun said before continuing  
"He's Chaeyoung's twin"

"I... Am Tzuyu"

I get it now. The face that I try hard to recall is Chaeyoung's. But something is still bugging me, I know that I saw him already somewhere. If I don't get the answer by the end of this day, for sure I will not be able to go to sleep peacefully.

"You're socially awkward with strangers, am I right?" I nod and he smiles This time, softer than the smug look he gives away earlier. If only he retains this smile for good, I will gladly call him in the streets if ever we meet again.

"That's okay! We all have our own quirks. Chaeyoung also mentioned ' _a socially awkward-but-also-loud beauty_ ' is friends with her especially to the two oldest in the dorm"

 _Oldest..._ I am starting to wonder if I she feels the same as I am right now. The only reason I am so close to her is because Jeongyeon unnie and Jihyo unnie shoved my whole being to her when they knew I find _her—_

"Chaeyoung?" Is that her that I am seeing going to the convenience store's direction?  
The moment I uttered her name, Donghan slowly went inside the restricted area calmly but Dahyun clearly isn't having the time of her life today. She is panicking so much that she run towards to where Donghan is without closing the cash register. Chaeyoung casually walks in as if she's looking for someone.  
"Oh, Tzuyu! You skipped breakfast again?" this is why I hate running in to them at convenience stores during morning. I nodded at her and raised an eyebrow as if asking her reason for going here.  
"I guess it became a habit? I forgot that Dahyun already changed shifts so uhhh... I guess I'll get going. You have your class in an hour, right? Let's go to school together" she already went ahead but the moment she noticed that I didn't follow her, she stops on her tracks on the door and waits for me. I take a last glance at where they are hiding and decided to leave.

Something is definitely wrong with Dahyun. It is even weirder that her brother hides away from his own twin— that is meeting up with another that is also hiding away from his twin.

I really shouldn't mind or I will not understand a thing in class.

I went home alone. My dream earlier hasn't left my head and how I incessantly think about Mina unnie earlier, that is how I think about Nayeon unnie for now. I walk without sense under this cold winter weather we have. All I think about is how would I approach Nayeon unnie later and bring her somewhere only the two of us would talk.

I'm seeing black. Black as colors from different emotions painted my canvas resulting to anxiousness from my problems. My problem is Nayeon unnie, the girl from the first door on the left. I acted what I am about to say later in my head, like playlist going on loop. My consciousness is blank, but my thoughts are filled of my acts and what might be its possible outcomes. I sigh and give it a break for a second.

When I get back to my senses, I noticed I am two blocks away from our dorm and I saw Jeongyeon unnie, still in her university's police uniform. I decided to walk with her and approach her with a hand to her back. Before I knew it, all I am seeing is the gray facade of the ground, my face touching it's rough texture while my arm is being twisted from behind— Jeongyeon unnie tackled me in one swift movement.  
"U-unnie! It's just me, Tzuyu!" I shouted in pain as I tap my other hand as a sign of giving up. She tightens her grip and pushed my arm harder against my back. I shouted in pain. This is worse than our routine back in soccer. The sharpness in my shoulder intensifies in each second. I am going to die… I will.  
"Jeongyeon unnie!" She loosens the grip and lowers down to look at my face. To her surprise, she quickly removes her grip and helps me to get up. I was ready to die or at least severe my arm.  
"I am so sorry baby!" she brushed the dirt all over my clothes and massaged my shoulder as she keeps on apologizing. I can't even stay mad at her for a second.  
"It's okay unnie" I said as I rub my joint hoping the pain will go away.  
"Do criminology teach you stuffs like these?"  
"No, I took judo before. Everyone needs to stay alert these days. Crime rates here are going up. You know… thieves, hit and runs, or even stalkers" She gives the warmest smile that for a moment it took away the uneasiness inside me.

"Let's go home. I bought these for dinner later and It's Sana's turn to cook. Let me give you a cold compress when we get back"

As we walk back together, I unconsciously murmur words of apology and gets frustrated every time I am not satisfied of my statements. I heard a chuckle from beside me and massages my shoulders  
"Nayeon unnie?" she chuckled and said questioningly but with certainty. I blushed immediately for thinking out loud.

"Momo get the knives!" Sana unnie shouted as she prepares the chicken to be cooked. No one responded to her. She waited for almost a minute until she realizes that the person she is looking for is nowhere to be seen— Our resident cook is missing, so she repeated her calling.  
"Momo?" she said softer this time.

"I think I saw her leave earlier" I said. Hair messy from frustration as I write the script I will be using later. She looks over her shoulder to check who answered before finally calling my attention fully.  
"Tzuyu, can you get Momo's knives for unnie, please. Also, can you prepare the milk and the red pepper paste? Unnie really needs help. That dumbass went home late and is not even planning to help" pertaining to Jeongyeon unnie. She looks at the room parallel to the kitchen. I followed her gaze and saw her sitting on the couch with her headphones on, clothes changed to a comfortable one, jamming to herself. Jihyo unnie's at the center table, sitting on the floor, reviewing for her upcoming exams.

For almost two years that I have been here, I noticed that these two either will show affection to another with their flirtiest as ever they can be and the other will push her away. It always has been like that. But in general, Jeongyeon unnie rejects any kind of affection.

"Chaeyoung-ah! You have a package, and it's heavy!" Dahyun entered the dorm along with the delivery man, helping each other. Once the man has placed the box down, he left and Chaeyoung came down running from her room.  
"Oooh! I didn't expect it to be delivered that fast" Chaeyoung unboxed it in front of us and to everyone's dismay, it's one of her weird collections that shouldn't have been brought to the dorms. What will a college student do with a huge phonograph?  
"Chaeyoung, what the hell?!" Dahyun spit out the water she's drinking and coughs continuously. Everyone is certainly not amazed. If we are going to describe how proud she is right now, it is like a 5-year-old child proud of their drawings or anything they think that are cool. Chaeyoung really does looks like a kid.  
"Cool right? My room will be back to the renaissance"  
"I hate to break it to you but phonographs haven't been invented until the 2nd world war" Jihyo unnie closes her book and proceeds upstairs after she said it. Chaeyoung didn't care.  
"Your room didn't even reach the _golden age_. It was always been dark" the cutting of ingredients didn't stop Sana unnie from commenting to the _"ridiculous"_ object lying on our floor. Chaeyoung pouts jokingly and proceeds to lift it at one side and Dahyun at the other.  
"Buying an LP player and lifting it won't make you long, please. Throw it away"  
"I appreciate the jokes bro but not this time. I can't wait to have Mina unnie as my model again beside this baby"  
"Mina unnie again?" Dahyun asked in between their steps on the stairs, as if she always hears her name from her but is making sure of the fact.  
"Yeah, wanna come to the shoot?"  
"Thanks but I'll pass again" Just hearing her name triggers one specific thought of her; her long slender legs with drips of water from showering that caused me to have a shade of pink on my cheeks.

Before Dahyun disappear from the staircase, Sana unnie asked Dahyun if she happens to pass by the missing girl while going back here.  
"Oh, yeah. I saw her. I think she's going to the gym since she's in her workout outfit"  
Doubts and concern shrouded her expression. Now that I think about it, Momo unnie never misses a meal besides if she really needs to do something for school. Is today one of these days? But she never notified us.

The front door swings open. My body tensed and lowers its temperature. The presence I feel is as if there is a black miasma swallowing everything around me. Nayeon unnie just arrived home. I reverted my gaze back to the chickens and continue preparing it. Anxiety welcomed me back to her arms —so warm and tight.  
"I am not eating tonight. Just go pig out everyone, I have to finish my plates again for fuck's sake!" she didn't even stop to tell us and just went upstairs in a split second. I sighed with my pained expression and go back thinking about my apology. How am I going to apologize when she's in that state?

"Tzuyu… Tzuyu" I snapped out of my trance and looked at Sana unnie.  
"You're spoiling the milk"

Walking back and forth in the common balcony, I bite my nails as I think of a way how to apologize. The winter night continues as the ground cools from the little heat earlier, nearing the spring season. The curtains glided elegantly with the wind, and the wooden chairs outside silently watches the moon along with my anxious self. Then there is my Calculus homework, left alone on the table, asking for attention. I just can't get myself to ask either Nayeon unnie or Mina unnie to teach me calculus!

Think Chou Tzuyu. You still have Nayeon unnie you need to apologize to, then you just ghosted Mina unnie!

But Nayeon unnie's case is hard to solve when every time I try to apologize, she is either not in the mood or just missing and we don't know where she is.  
"I want to bicker with her again" I released an airy sigh, staring blankly at my paper as I twist my pen.

"You studying for exams?" Jeongyeon unnie asks as soon as she emerges from the stairs.  
"Yeah. Not a really big fan of calculus"  
"Why don't you ask Nayeon unnie? She's dumb but school smart!" I rolled my eyes at her. Is she kidding? Is it a way to say _'get your ass up and knock on that door'_ Also, is that an insult or a compliment?  
"Come on, now. She _loves_ you so much. She can't stay mad at you for that long over a small fight" even so, it is not how big what I have done or how long she will stay mad. I can' t take the first step and say sorry. I am too scared that my own mind is eating me alive.

She smiled at me before leaving me alone to study.

There goes my mind again, wandering to the girl who owns the room in front of this balcony. I feel sorry for my homework.  
"Hey" I look down at the direction of the gates. I get curious why Jeongyeon unnie changed clothes when it is already 10 PM.  
"Surprise her with _dinner at work_ , do aegyo at her and cuddle with her. That's all she wanted you to do" she gestures me to go down with her.  
"Where are we going?" I said before I disappear from her site.  
"Buy her food and make her fall

"You look really sure about what you are buying. Are you sure about it unnie?" I watch her grab an instant ramen, some cola, and desserts then proceeds to the counter.  
"I lived with her for almost 4 years. If that's not enough to know her well, then call me a stalker" she stops abruptly as if she sees a ghost.  
"That gave me chills" she uttered and shrugged it off.  
"This whole thing is giving me chills" I said, as I think about the possible outcomes of this plan later on. The moment we stepped outside the store, Jeongyeon unnie stares at me with a smirk on her face, as if she has an idea for me.  
"Wanna know what will motivate you?" her smirk intensifies  
"No... Don't ever bring that up again"

It has always been that reason they always give me. Happy, sad, or whatever I feel that Nayeon unnie has to be involved, they always bring that up.

Im Nayeon, once a 4th year Architecture student, didn't went back to the dorms for 3 straight weeks, and she is the last one I got to know when it is only still us 6 in the dorm— excluding Dahyun, Chaeyoung, and Mina unnie. The first time I saw her was during the 1st week of May and it was one spring night. Nayeon unnie went home from a club in a red crop top sleeveless blouse with low neck line and in a boyfriend jeans— _drunk_. The sudden intrusion caused me to call everyone downstairs as Nayeon unnie threw herself at me while I was sitting on the couch.

The next days were just normal but her outfit choice was not. If I can rate the decency of her clothes at that time, I say the most decent one is from the time we first met. Everything just went shorter and the lack of clothes somehow makes my eyes land on her every time the front door swings open.

But the most embarrassing part of our first interaction together was when we had barbecue party on the rooftop. Momo unnie's grilling while Sana unnie helps her and Jeongyeon unnie annoys them. Jihyo unnie on the other hand, never stops studying while Nayeon unnie drank her beer in peace beside her. But her peace kind of getting distracted as I notice her glancing at my direction from time to time, and I was right. She sat beside me facing my direction with one leg up, slightly brushing on mine, and her arm was slightly raised as she leans her head on it in a sensual way. I got tense that night that I didn't move a muscle as she plays with a piece of my hair and said  
"I notice you keep looking at me every time I get home" her warm breath brushes against my ear sends shivers down my spine. I sweat like a rushing river and my eyes are glued on my hands that are on my lap. Little by little, Nayeon unnie took my hand and place it closely on my thigh.  
"I-I'm sorry. I'm not used to seeing people dress l-like that" I stiffen more when her fingers subtlety does a walking motion in my thighs, causing me to stop breathing.  
"It's ok. Just loosen up and we will take this slow and easy"  
From that moment, I feel as if life was about to get out of my body. The sudden heat in my face and the hard poundings my heart has been receiving were overwhelming for a girl that never had an experience. I thought my heart stopped beating.

"Chou Tzuyu! Go help here!" I hear Jeongyeon unnie's calling but as I try to move an inch, my right hand was soon stopped by the girl at my side, making her hand travel a distance, closing the gap of our face.  
"If you go, I will make it obvious for them to notice every inch of your body and every hitch of your breath"

"Im Nayeon!" I can hear Jihyo unnie's irritation.

And before our lips touched, I already fainted. I thank God for that timing.

The one phrase that got engraved on my mind that day and up till to this day was of Jihyo unnie's:  
 _"You mother fucking cougar! Stop fucking the youngest in every group"_

"That was hell" I rolled my eyes as I remember everything up to its smallest details. This story will never fail to amaze everyone except Nayeon unnie and I.  
"But you two got close because of that! Remember when—"  
"Yeah, yeah. When I called her _hot_ "  
 _"S-she's h-hot_ " Sometimes I want to move dorms because of that one incident. They keep mimicking what I said to the point of exaggeration.  
"You keep teasing me but who wouldn't find her— in your vocabulary, _fuckable?_ "  
"Touché" she nods in agreement.

Nayeon unnie only stopped being a party girl and changed the way she dresses when she failed almost half of her subjects. No, it is not because she is dumb. She didn't know her class schedule and skipped almost all of her subjects— I take it back, _she's dumb_. At the end of the semester, she passed everything and with her grades barely holding on. They said it was a miracle, but with her performance during finals, it was clear as day she will make it but not the grades you will be proud of. Yes, she is dumb but _school smart_.

"Tell me, since you find her hot before, do you prefer her then than now?" she pours hot water on the cup of instant ramen and prepared a wooden tray for me to carry. Of course, I know my answer, and I do admit and will never deny that I find her beautifully breath taking.  
"I like her better now"

The hallway is dimly lit now. Sound of the howling wind echoes and Jeongyeon unnie's room closed after she pushed me towards Nayeon unnie's door. I am left standing here with a tray on hand.  
 _"You can do this. You can do this. You can do— No, I can't"_ I think to myself and retreats a few steps. A muffled voice can be heard from the room behind me.  
"You're not going to sleep until you knock on that door" Jeongyeon unnie said. I sighed and took a step once again. Nothing bad will happen, right?  
I knock on her door 3 times and no one answered. A brief silence was heard throughout. I tried once again, knocking 3 times and someone shouted from inside.  
"I am busy to entertain guests as of the moment. Go away!" my legs wobble as I think if she's still mad. No, she is definitely not in the mood. I should just give up; everything will pass and maybe she will approach me again someday. But she really needs to eat so might as well leave it here.  
"O-okay. I will leave your food here, Nayeon unnie" and I run towards my room and shut myself in. My heart beats faster with all the fears and the running I did. I lean on the door and sigh in relief and hit my chest repeatedly and talked to my heart.  
"Stop beating you piece of blood pumping tissue!" I sigh once again, will Nayeon unnie open the door and get the food? Will she start talking to me again? There is a lot of questions on my mind right now, and all of them are just negative outlooks on life.

My phone lights up and received a message from Jeongyeon unnie.  
 _"You did run away but that's a step closer out of your comfort zone. Good job! Sleep tight, our big baby"_ I admit that this message gives me the warm sensation all over me, but the fact that Nayeon unnie shouted at me as a reply sends back the chilling shivers down to my spine. I lie down on my bed hopelessly won't get a wink tonight. I am getting tired of this plain white ceiling.

I look through the scope and see a room that has clothes ready to be packed. Intently, I wait for the target to be in sight.  
"Yes, I am okay, mom. I'll be there on the 21st. I promise" Dahyun is on the phone as she also looks through the scope of her sniper. The sound of the radio transmission catches our attention as we wait for updates about the targets and as I turn around, I noticed a rabbit mascot behind Mina unnie— just standing idly watching us.  
 _"First target entering inside the room, over"_ the radio transmission informed.  
"Noted, over"

"Hey mom, don't expect Chaeyoung to come on the 21st" she said calmly. I shoot my head up when I heard our target's name escapes from her lips. And now I remember, they were once good friends, maybe even lovers. Despite the calmness of her tone, a single lone tear escapes from her eye.  
"Yes, there is something more important than you guys now. But she still loves you"  
Everyone is silent. It is as if we carry the same weight as her, it is not easy to kill someone you lived with your whole life. The call ends and her target were on sight. Her finger readies for the trigger, finally choosing peace for her motherland and at least halt the largest connection of drug trafficking in the country.

The gun echoes. The sight of the broken window with bloodstains splattered on the glass silenced everything for the gun man, and within just seconds, she nearly died out of guilt. Chaeyoung is dead and so is her own soul. She passed out on sight as soon as she sees how unrecognizable the view of the inside of the room— let, her body can't be seen. No one questioned her even though it can't be seen. _Dahyun never misses._

 _"Target number 2 is to be on sight, over"_ the transmission ended. It is now my time to be useful and be redeemed from my mistakes. No matter what, I need to perfect this shot. I ready myself, look through the scope and wait for the door to open. As I anticipate this target of ours, I started to get curious. Who is the target and why is her name a secret? I asked Mina.

"Just look through the scope" she said nonchalantly, and so I did wait patiently.

The door opens. A white long dress peeked through the wooden frame as she stops by the door, might be talking to someone. Her black locks gracefully land on her shoulders and her long dress waves as if she was on a thrill.

"I—" she turns around and I almost threw the gun.  
"I can't kill her"

Im Nayeon, aged 27, and my fiancé. I turned a blind eye just so she can do what she loves the most— being the biggest importer of questionable amount of medicines. I choose to betray my pledged oat out for a woman blinded by love.

With a gun pointed at my head, Mina ordered me to pull the trigger but I didn't. I know what happens to traitors like me. I'd rather have her mourn for me than I do for her, knowing that I killed her.  
"Good bye, Tzuyu"

Another echo from the gun.

But why am I hearing it?

The bullet didn't hit me and I am unharmed. When I looked back, the rabbit mascot and Mina is on the ground with the gun already fallen off the building from the impact. I helped it to stand up but we were too slow. Mina is just a monster who has infinite stamina that she can throw us with no effort.

The sensation of falling makes my heart beat fast as if I am going to die— yes, I am going to die but a certain furry friend that is going down with me refused to die and puts me in an embrace.

She smells _familiar._

Nayeon, I hope you mourn for me.

"Aww!" I fell from my bed and hit my head on my side table.

2 AM. I slept for almost 3 hours and maybe I am a little thankful for getting at least a short amount of shut eyes. I should just get my laundry upstairs and maybe that will make my mind fall asleep once again.

I think about my dream as I walk towards the rooftop. 2 dreams of Chaeyoung and Dahyun in one day and both of those dreams has Dahyun trying to kill Chaeyoung but that is not the weird part. Dahyun has feelings for Chaeyoung in both dreams and the way she acted earlier must be just pure coincidence, right?

"Yes, I am okay, mom. I'll be there on the 21st. I promise"  
I froze. Just now I heard something out of a dream. Am I dreaming? I carefully opened the door towards the rooftop and see Dahyun, having a phone call and facing her back to me as I am glued on this spot.

"Hey mom, don't expect Chaeyoung to come on the 21st"  
A loud thump escapes from my heart. I am sweating like my sweat glands are part of a falls and I am having goosebumps. It is as if my whole dream is happening again— word per word. What the hell is happening?!

"You know that she loves you guys, right? She's just busy that she can't attend. Didn't I tell you that she's part of a mural group?" at this time I know she's only making up excuses to remove the slight disappointment they are feeling— including herself.

Chaeyoung quitted the murals at the start of the semester.

Dahyun, is there something about Chaeyoung that is bothering you?

My chance of getting a shut-eye slims down to .99 percent— like those unkillable germs in soap commercials. Of course, the probability might be slim but it is still possible and the only way for me to trigger that .99 percent is to remove the feeling of uneasiness. Everything about that dream is absurd— Dahyun's exact dialogue, Mina unnie trying to kill me, and Nayeon unnie as my lover and target.

The lover part sends chills to my spine. Maybe it is my brains way of coping up since I remembered our first awkward encounter earlier.

I sigh as I stare at my blank age-stained white ceiling. Maybe if I knock on Nayeon unnie's room and pretend that I can't sleep— which is true— her sleepy-self will let me in. Who am I kidding? She's dumb but not that _dumb_.

_Knock Knock_

I check my digital clock— 2:30 AM. Who would knock on my door at this time? There was no sign of human activities earlier when I went out except for Dahyun. Maybe she noticed me earlier and wants to talk about her frustrations but I am not the right person to talk about those things. But hey, at least it can lessen her burdens.

They knock again and this time I open it. Scent of cherries and flowers just penetrated my senses as if I am being lifted in the air by an imaginary string of scent and flowers. I know whose scent this belongs, and instead of the dark miasma that swallows the little confidence in me, this time, it was all flowers and the spirit of Spring that welcomes me in to its arms.  
"Can't sleep?" her toothy grin greeted me and somehow, her comfy look in her oversized sweatshirt & pajamas and her hair carelessly put up in a bun calms my wrecked nerves from all those days that I stressed myself over her. All she got from me is a stunned face as I nod.

Nayeon unnie borrowed my table for her to draw on. I asked her why she decided to do her work in my bedroom.  
"We're both staying up late so why not accompany each other? Besides, whenever you turn on the light at 2 AM, it means you can’t sleep so bad" I start to recall those sleepless nights that I try to open the lights and drink water. And she was right, I do open the lights for a moment before going back to bed, trying to sleep that will never happen until morning comes. There is a tingling sensation on my cheeks for a while as the heat creeps up to my face, and without thinking clearly, my old habit of talking back to her resurfaced.  
"So you do study my movements. I see…" I said in a teasing tone  
"Nah. Dream on. I know you slept for two hours" I raised a brow, giving her a questioning look.  
"I knocked earlier to say thank you. You were the one who gave me my dinner, right?" in which I nodded sheepishly.

And there was I earlier, stressing over how she shouted at me when in reality, it was quite the opposite. Of course, she would get annoyed if the purpose of knocking on her door is just to annoy her or have a chat. It turns our she really does appreciate what I did and for some reason, my stomach feels like there is a hollow pit full of butterflies.

"Oh, I forgot to ask. Do you want to play your favorite song or want a recommendation?"

It became a _ritual_. People who sleeps with the sleepless Chou Tzuyu must play her favorite song or recommend something new for her to sleep in to. The one who started this tradition? Im Nayeon. I can still remember the first ever song she recommended was a Taeyeon song.

"You might know this song since we watched it together but I don't know, this song gives me vivid and calming dreams"

_You and I by Kim Jong Wan._

_How do I get your love?_   
_How do I make you smile?_

The mellow acoustic beat escapes softly from each corner of the room that sets the light mood— shutting out the presence of uneasiness in the air. Nayeon unnie continues her work, mumbling the lyrics to herself as she does the final touches for her plates with her two front teeth being illuminated by the lamp. I find it adorable.

I need to act quick. Because if not, unnie and I will be forced to endure this deafening silence till morning and that would be awkward. At least for I while we can take it since she's preoccupied by her work.

"Unnie, you can sleep beside me"

But she didn't even bother looking at me when she replied and as I see it, this plate must be important. I really should thank her for squeezing herself here to accompany me while I have another one of those sleepless nights.

"It's ok. I'll stick to my usual spot on the floor"

Her, rejecting my offer just validates my fears. Nayeon unnie never rejects sleeping beside me, and I don’t usually ask her that. If I recall correctly, she even pushes that idea even though she knows I HATE sleeping with someone beside me.

"Nayeon unnie"  
She stops everything and looks at me as the long silence replaces my words.

Tzuyu, you can do this. She gave you the opportunity and all you have to do is grab it! Stop trembling and just say those 2 simple words— then done!

It's not easy to say! You need it to be done, okay? Have you tried it before?

I had this internal monologue to myself as if the angel and devil on my shoulder decides my current fate. Either I backout or solve this.

I hated this. I hated this side of me. I know I am one step to solving the problem but unconsciously, I took ten steps away. I feel dumb that she's already at my reach but no words coming out of my mouth.

I hate the dry feeling in my throat.

_"Remember when Nayeon unnie got sick and you have to take care of her?"_

This is what Jeongyeon unnie's trying to say earlier.

Back when she was still a party animal, Nayeon unnie caught a fever the day after I faint. Since everyone has class and I am the only one free for that day, I insist on changing her damp towels and prepare her food and medicine—To be honest I have a good valid reason not to but I don't want to be a rude dorm mate so I insisted. She slept like a log that day and I never saw her awake until I was about to change her towel for the 8th time when I entered her room, I saw her sitting already, the towel on her hand, soaked on a tub of water that I put beside her bed.

"H-have you changed the w-water?" was the first thing I said instead of asking if she is okay. It was awkward. Really awkward. She nods at my question but I tried to lay her down again but my body somehow didn't know what to do and by that, I looked weird trying to get the towel from her hand, as if I ghost over her hands from time to time and I really didn't finish a movement. It was really weird.

"It's fine, you really don't have to do that every hour, Zuyu"  
"It's Tzuyu" I corrected. "Like Chewy"  
"Sorry. I don't pay attention to my surroundings these days and I am always drunk" she tucked herself in the blankets and lies on her side as she faces me.  
"I apologize about yesterday. I know that alcohol is not an excuse, I am just an idiot to be honest. I hope your impression of me still changes over the time" the way she hides half of her face on the blanket, her weak voice that softly tickles my ears, and her droopy eyes that stares back at me like a pleading puppy that wants love. For someone who party hard like her, she still cares about what people think about her.

That is when I decided to give her another shot and to be honest, she is the complete opposite of her image before. To think about it at this time, I can't help but find the situation similar. Nayeon unnie apologized just a day after the incident and I gave her the opportunity— just like how we are right now.

"Sorry..." the words finally comes out of my lips and it is silent, deafening, and uncomfortable. Only the sound of the strumming guitar and the sound of serenading voice of the singer from the stereo can be heard. And for almost ten seconds, my life has been on the edge as my heart feels like I dropped it from a thousand feet; feeling like it has died that it keeps on reviving itself. Nayeon unnie is not making a single sound.

As it pains me to see her expression, I decide to sit up and look at her. One of her brows is up, her head cocked to the side as she has her mouth hanging— she's actually thinking.  
"Wait— do you think I am mad at you for a whole week?"

What? Did I hear her tone correctly? And if I hear it correctly, she is actually surprised at the thought that I mistakenly think that she was mad at me?

I want to melt, and I did. Back to the sheets I go as I lie to my side and cover myself with a blanket from head to toe.

"What the—" the blanket shots open, and slowly, a familiar warmth encircled my waist, hugging it so tight as her small pointy nose touches the surface of my back— sniffing every scent as possible as she can.  
"I am taking advantage of your offer" she grips my waist even more "Did you see me treat everyone nicely this week?"

... No

In which I replied with a shake of my head.

"How petty am I to hate you for that?"  
"You are always petty, actually"

Her playful slap on my shoulder lingers for a moment. It is back and It feels warm. The chuckles that escape both from our lips overrides the soft melody and to be honest, this will put me to sleep more.

"This feels nice" I said as I adjust myself to sink in to her more— like a puzzle piece that fits perfectly to her hugs. My back receives a playful rub of her nose as she buries deep on to it, so is her arms around my waist.

"Yeah. I miss you too, Tzuyu"

_"Shall we dream together now? You and I"_

Even though we met in an awkward encounter. Party girl or not, I know she will hold me this close no matter what her persona is. This side of Nayeon unnie will never disappear even if her world goes for another change.

And honestly, that is the time I find her the _hottest._


	3. [3]

"How are your dreams these days, Tzuyu?" the man of this world of matresses asks as he flashes his signature smirk while lying down on the bed with me.  
"Pretty peaceful" I smiled "But not as perfect before"

  
I would lie if I say it did not improve. It did, dramatically, but there are still the underlying problems— Dahyun still tries to kill Chaeyoung; Everyone keeps asking where is Momo unnie like she is Perry the platypus; and I am bugged that Jeongyeon unnie is getting late night walks with a boy we don't know.

  
"You now know the importance of fixing your problems, right?"  
I nodded in agreement.

  
"Sleep well, my little Tzuyu"  
His hand reaches for my forehead. Soft touches landed as he clears away strands of my hair and leans forward to plant a kiss.

  
And that kiss sends me back to my reality— Waking up.

_________

  
It has been 2 weeks since Nayeon unnie and I reconciled. In that 2 weeks, Mina unnie disappeared— well, not that kind of disappear. She just comes home later than Jeongyeon unnie actually, and so is Chaeyoung. And every day that passes by, Dahyun's blue days worsen. Her fake shifts also has taken a toll on her body but no one notice it except me. Sometimes I wish Jeongyeon unnie should go home with Dahyun from her late fake shifts, too, just for her saftey since she is walking home with a boy— and I think that it is not because they are dating. Why would she walk home with a boy when she's actually stronger than most of them? And the fact that she asked another _police-in-training_ can be a little alarming.

  
There are things that I realized these few months and those realization intensifies after the past incident; I don't have a clear idea about their attitude. As what Jeongyeon unnie was saying to me last time, Nayeon unnie is actually not mad at me and as I prolonged not having conversation with her, it caused a lot of nerve-wracking emotions and misunderstandings. I have no idea that beneath Dahyun and Chaeyoung's bright and comedic personality lies a comforting silence and presence within them. I only know them from the surface; the very obvious mask that they show and I did not try to remove it to understand them better. It is actually a shame that my dreams are the one to send signals about them, not my actual curiosity and eagerness. And these are what I am trying to understand recently.

  
I lift myself up from the bed and exit my room. The aromatic smell of the garlic and onion gets through my nose, finding myself following it downstairs. The figure of a woman on her back as she cooks greeted me along with Nayeon unnie in her usual hair bun and oversized shirt, sitting at the table while she looks at her phone intently.

  
I have never seen this scene for a long time. Sana unnie is just cooking; on the couch is Jihyo unnie, reading— she will never stop studying to be honest; and Nayeon unnie is looking funny as she browse with her phone. It must be that time of year again— the end of the end of the school year is near and that means Nayeon unnie's days in this dorm is already numbered.

  
"Hey Tzuyu, what should I wear for my graduation ball?"  
A question that I processed for a while because Korea deosn't have proms.  
"Yeah, but our department decides to have one, something like a post-valentine and graduation party. It's pretty new to me too actually"  
I look at her and see her shirt having a rabbit with red eyes printed on it, and because of that, instead of an ordinary look, I ended up staring for too long.

  
A rabbit. The mascot from my dream suddenly pops up in my head. That thing has been around my dream too frequently.

  
"A white gown with red accent?" I said, questioning my own pick.  
"Ain't that too Christmas-y?"  
"You do look like a christmas tree ornament" Sana unnie said as she cooks behind her.  
"Really? Am I the angel one?" her voice has to end with a higher pitch whith curling her hands on her face, acting all cute that it makes us cringe.  
"Who do you think wears red and white, huh?" the girl from the couch speaks.

  
You can't laugh, you can't laugh, you can't laugh Tzuyu.  
"Pft. Santa Claus"  
Laughters escapes us except from her. Instead, she sighs as if she's done with life.  
"Can you guys at least let me BREATHE" an intonation at the end of her sentence. But no one took her seriously and continues to laugh, no one takes someone who talks to their stuffed toys at the age of 23, seriously.

  
But in all seriousness, the girl beside me looks good in red— it is her color that destined to be hers. Put her in a red lipstick? She's a hot stuff; Put her in a red sweater with her usual hair bun? A ball of cute fluff. And if only God creates our own separate worlds for each individual being— maybe this world can be our own house but bigger in setting or something along that concept, I will gladly make everything red for her even if it means it will resemble the pits of hell. She owns the color red and it was created for her and hers only.

  
"Momo!" the blonde cook shouts.

  
It is like watching a running phenakistiscope. A blonde beauty shouting her name that continues on loop, never getting a reply. Sana unnie never gets an answer these days and Momo unnie stops showing up to something important to her— food and Sana. No one knows where she is. The only source of information we got is by hearsays. 'Yeah, I passed her by', 'She's in her workout clothes'; the same lines we keep hearing like a broken record.

  
In the appearance of a raging dragon, her eyes screams inconsolable sadness. Only one cure exists in this world for her, and that is for Momo unnie to answer her calling. She badly needs it. They were meant for each other; an invisible red thread connects them, no one knows if it's platonic or romantic but only them.

  
"Eat everything up!" Sana unnie place the dish in front of us rather rough before walking out. She has been cooking constantly for everyone but for Momo unnie in particular, hoping that she will eat with us. Everyone is aware how the missing girl has been dropping in weight recently and everyone is alarmed. Imagine seeing the _other half_ of your body dying, I can't process how much Sana unnie must be suffering.

  
"Why's that pig even stopped being a pig?" A question that everyone has in their minds for a while now escapes from the girl in the couch. She sighs and join us at the table, reluctantly tries to eat the prepared food with us.

  
No one answers.

  
But It was actually an answer.

  
Because no one knows.

  
"You're not going to do that, Chaeyoung!" the door blasts open, leaving us three jolting up and stunned. Dahyun enters in rage as Chaeyoung tails her like a puppy curling its tail downward while looking at its owner with pleading eyes.  
"Just this once, please. I don't have money for my allow—" but the other never let her finish.  
"That's the thing, Chaeyoung! You don't know how hard to earn that money you just used it to buy those unecessary things! Do you think your parents just shit up those from their asses and got rich? NO!"

  
The enraged girl rushed upstairs, leaving Chaeyoung stupefied and us three frozen on spot— hanging our mouths open with the spoon full of food that has gotten cold from the sudden negligence.

  
I learned a lot about money from the two years of my stay here and that is thanks to Dahyun. It is not easy to live hanging at the edge of poverty and a steady life. She has to work part-time just to get allowance for her to live day-by-day. We are all disappointed at Chaeyoung's money spending habit, but it was more for Dahyun. Not only she is disappointed, she's irritated at how Chaeyoung can spontaneously let go of money in one go—multiple times in a month— that is worth her two months allowance

  
When Chaeyoung left, that is the only time we feel the air again as we release a long exhale follwed by pantings.  
"Damn, what did we do to deserve awkward encounters?" the dejected Nayeon unnie sighs and sinks further at her chair.  
"I felt even more bad for Sana's food when we can't take that bite" Jihyo unnie added as she sighs in defeat.

________________  
"You skipped breakfast again, Tzuyu?" Dahyun was never thrilled seeing me enter the convenience store so early in the morning every Saturday. But one thing that I am sure of is that she's glad that her secret is safe with me.

  
And I know the only reason she's not happy to see me is because I give up breakfast just to see her.

  
"I though you and Nayeon unnie made up already?" she sits in front of me as I eat the choco-filled bun and a box of milk on my side. I nod in response.

  
"Why are you avoiding Chaeyoung?" I said nonchalantly while taking a bite from the bread and proceeds to take a sip from my milk, watching her choking from her own saliva.

  
"D-Damn Tzuyu. So straight-forward" pounding her chest, still coughing from the choke "I guess I can't deny that since you saw me frantically hide from her 2 weeks ago that I even left the cash register open" I offer my milk to her but she kindly rejects even though I can see she is near dying from coughing hard.  
"I am just disappointed. You saw the phonograph, right?"  
The look on her face. I know the stressed part is real but her eyes quiver as she looks straight at me— I break it first because I find it awkward and nerve-wracking.  
"Yeah. I saw that you're getting jealous at Mina unnie, too" another round of chest-pounding cough and choking surfaced. Her reaction says it all. Given that she is choking, but her face is literally beet red not because of the cough, but because what I said is the truth.  
"Damn Chou Tzuyu. Aren't you too perceptive?"  
"So you're not denying it?"

  
"Fuck" is all she can say.

  
Because no one will think she is in love with her. I wouldn't. If my dreams did not imply that she is romantically involved with her, that thought would never enter my mind. You can get jealous at your friend who stopped hanging out with you for a while, and most people will see that is likely the case.

  
"I rarely get to see her these days" fiddling with her fingers, her head hangs down as she stay silent for a few seconds, biting her lower lip in hesitation.  
"She's being a pain actually. I tried persuading her about money— I know it's not on me how she should use it, but it's not hers also. I wouldn't interfere to be honest if she's not whining how her parents scold her for using their credit card to the point she almost reaches the credit limit"

  
The credit limit?! What does she even buy?

  
"She buys those stuff as props for her shoot with Mina unnie— I mean, I really don't mind her passion. But photographies don't require regal items to get good shots, right?" I nodded and keep quiet to let her continue.

  
"Then there's her, ditching our yearly plans just to have a shoot with her. How can she even forgot our yearly ritual? I am okay if she do that to me, but my parents has been expecting her every year and I really don't want to ruin their anniversary"

  
The way she said the last part. This whole conversation is already depressing but when she started talking about her parents, I feel it. And when that one instance Chaeyoung fought her parents last week, I understand why this girl in front of me was disappointed. She love her parents and she wants the people around her do the same to theirs. I assume that the 21st is her parents' anniversary they supposed to go to.

  
"You still haven't answered my question" I take another bite and sip my milk as I watch her hang her mouth from disbelief.  
"I know you know the answer, Tzuyu. You just want to hear it from my lips"  
"I don't" I lie.  
"Yeah, yeah, sure. We know how bad you are at lying" she said in an all knowing tone, pointing at my shaking hands. I instantly retracted it.  
"How about you guess what I think?"  
"Dude I am not dumb! You guess what my real reason is"

  
The silence lingers as I take a deep breath preparing my answer. Her cheerful facade hardens and her stare cuts deep in to my brain as if she has a specific answer she is waiting for. I don't know, all I can see in her eyes is how lonely she is without Chaeyoung.

  
"You love her" my words echoes like a fire alarm in her mind, alerting each senses in her body as if it catches fire. Her back stiffened and gulped as she looks me right in the eye like it is the one answering for her. No, her insides has been in fire since this hide-and-seek has started. She has no one to tell and no one to ask to extinguish it.

  
She nods. "So much" breaking in to a smile, holding her hands together as she grounds herself.

  
The fire has been put out. Dahyun is now face the aftermat of her feelings.

_________________  
I sprawl myself on Chaeyoungs bed, watching her do some homework on her laptop at the side table with her nose all scrunched up and her eyebrows furrowed, definitely disturbed by the early event.

  
I find my eyes wander the walls of her room and realized she changed layout again— all lit up with neon lights signage of blue, pink, and purple resembling a club while The 1975's Somebody Else plays on her stereo. And according to Dahyun, her parents cut off support to her allowance. I think it is kind of her parents to be even paying for her tuition at this point after I found out that she maxes her credit card. The bills will hit the ceiling this month if she keeps using these neon lights.

  
"Are you free this 21st, my friend?" I ask lazily as I hang my head upside down on the edge of the bed.

  
A frustrated sigh escapes her lips as she turns to her side but instantly got confused and chuckled as soon as she sees me.  
"What the hell are you doing?" She chuckles in between "You never crash in to any of our rooms; it is usually us. This is so not you. What do you want, Chou?"

  
"Let me sleep here"

  
"Suit yourself" She turns back and works again "I have a shoot with Mina unnie on the 21st. Why do you ask?"

  
I said nothing and continue to lie on her bed for minutes or maybe an hour. Because if I do talk, I might unconsciously push the idea of Dahyun's parent's anniversary and I don't want that to happen. It shouldn't be my business but another part of me wants to help.

  
As she continues her work, the more she shows her irritation. She will either drop her pen harshly or sigh loud following with a groan.  
"Why am I so antsy!" she shouted and closed her laptop. "Fuck!"  
"Maybe you are forgetting something important?" I said, hinting at the 21st of this month. She spins her chair and faces me in her confused stare, demanding an answer.  
"Y-you can ask Dahyun— I mean maybe you are forgetting about assignments, and you two have classes together" I turn my back from her and close my eyes for a brief moment. Chaeyoung will know I am lying if she sees my eyes and I don't want her to suspect me about Dahyun.

  
"Oh, Bro. You're here!" it went silent. Chuckles from a young man is all I hear. The moment I open my eyes, I see Donghan at the edge of the window, entering from the outside, looking at me with his signature smirk. The heat is creeping up my face, I forgot that Chaeyoung's bed is adjacent to the wall below the window. And for him to come down, he has to climb down to the bed.

  
"Hey there Tzuyu!" he sits on the railings of the window and waves at me then followed with a wink. I instantly curl at the corner of the bed and leaned on the headboard, hugging my knees and covered my lower part with Chaeyoung's blanket. I wasn't informed that she will have a visitor. I don't even like them seeing me in a shorts and a shirt then an acquaintance suddenly pops up and saw me in my most embarassing clothes.

  
"Hey, stop" he chuckles "We're cool. You're cool. No need to get embarassed" I felt the bed dip but soon bounced back to its original form.

  
It was all about money. I didn't knew I will see the extravagant collector Son Chaeyoung asking for money for food instead of her hobby.

  
"You really should follow her advice since you don't have money anymore" the boy utters in concern and I can feel the irritation in Chaeyoung's sigh. But he is right. She needs all guidance and planning with her money.  
"I really don't want to hear anything about her. Please stop"  
"Stop whining. She has all the valid reasons to be mad at you. Right, Tzuyu?" He looks at me as if he knows that I am involved with him in a pact to protect Dahyun. I know that we both want them to be happy but isn't this too risky? He raised an eyebrow as he waits for my response.  
" Y-yeah. Dozens"  
"What?! I didn't do anything!"  
"Right. You think so because you're ignorant of what she feels" it went silent. What he said is true but I don't think going this far will solve the problem. Chaeyoung releases a long dragging sigh and pushes her brother towards the window.  
"Whatever. Shoo. Go away now" she said in a snarky tone.  
"Ingrateful midget" he climbs through the window and before he leaves, he sent me one last look. Something about his stare calms my nerves and his smile just sends me to peace.  
"See you later Tzuyu!"

  
That was one of the first eye contact that I never felt uneasy. The insomniac Chou Tzuyu fell asleep earlier than expected.

______________  
"Chaeyoung?" I call her name as soon as I wake up. I look at her digital clock and it is already 3 am. The neon lights look painfully brighter than earlier, the music has stopped, and Chaeyoung is no where to be seen. Five minutes after I wake up, I look at the clock again— still 3 am. It must be broken.

  
But maybe it is not. The Indigo tinted sky containing the yellowish moon feels surreal than normal like a big hole that sucks everything in it. The moon itself is not its usual size and the whole environment has the lights brighter the before but lacking a specific presence— human presence, life itself.

  
The clock is not broken. Time froze and I am dreaming.

  
"Took you that fast to realize. I am amazed" I recognize the deep, playful voice coming from the air.  
"What are you, Donghan?" Right. The man of the matress world and Chaeyoung's twin brother has an uncanny resemblance. Not really a resemblance but it is the exact entity. The hair, his voice, his signature smirk, and his very presence. It all exudes Donghan.  
"Donghan?" he chuckles "I am only the product of you Imagination, Tzuyu. I can show up as a different being to other people" and I am suddenly reminded that I am in a dream afterall, everything is possible. If I want to have a bread in my hand, I can summon one. Oh wait, a bread suddenly popped up in my hand.  
"See?!" He pointed.  
"Okay, but can I call you Donghan? I want to address you properly"  
"Sure, dear. Anything you want" curving the side of his lips forming into a smirk that is too familiar for my liking. He really is the uncanny doupleganger of him

  
"Lucid dreaming" he started "You can learn more about it in this world. Just walk around, learn things here and there, control it. There's a lot like you walking out there, trying to master this gift" he raised his index finger and waves it with a grin. "And your first assignment is learning how to wake up"

  
Wake up... I lacked so many sleep in my life that I might consider sleeping for the rest of my life.

  
Just kidding. I want to see my family first.

  
He suddenly disappears like smoke in front of me and I start to panic, calling his name repeatedly, but no reply was ever heard.  
"So I am just going to walk without direction here?!" shouting as I spin.

  
"Yeah. This is—" "Oh f— you're going to kill me" I gasp in surprise and hold my chest. the blood pumping tissue once again in motion.  
"This is, in fact, the same town" he continued "Pretty much everything is the same so you won't get lost" and just like that he vanished like thin air in front of me.

  
I hurried down and started walking towards the university area. Donghan was right, this is exactly what the world outside the dream looks like. Not many people are walking and it feels like a ghost town. The stores that supposed to be here are changed to another but all is closed, both estbalishments that isn't existing outside exists here. But one thing attracts these eyes of mine. Out in the distance, there is a bright neon light. My body automatically follows it, feeling the bass vibrate through my flesh, lights gets brighter each step I take and in the first place. This magnetic attraction started the moment I felt the beat crashing down my body.

  
But I hate to think about you with somebody else

  
The familiar melody from Chaeyoung's room slowly creeping up to my ear as I get closer the establishment. Those lights resembles from the room I was in earlier, people walk in and out of the supposed to be a club and the whole surrounding reeks with alcohol and cigarettes. I walk towards the entrance and try to get in when I see a pair of black eyes staring intently at me, unmoving. No, not only her eyes are black about her, her whole figure is. She has her head tilted on the left, her short shoulder-lenght hair covers half of her face, and her posture is as straight as a lamp post.

  
No one moved, something about her stare glues me to the ground. Stop staring Tzuyu. This is giving me goosebumps. What if I think she disappears? I tried and it didn't work and for another minute that passed, she finally moved. Head tilting to the other side, her arms started to flinch, and started to lean forward. I know in that moment that the way her eyes lacks shine will get me to my deathbed. Her void eyes never left me as she slowly creeping in, making me glued harder to the ground and by the time I got back to my senses, she lunges at me, nearing my death bed.

  
"Oh shit" I exclaimed as I try to run away.  
"Donghan!"

  
What the hell is happening! All I want to do in my life is to sleep peacefully, not die in my sleep! I look behind me and the woman is just inches away from me ready to devour me to my death. I can't die, I still have Mina unnie to say sorry to and pick Nayeon unnie's prom gown.

  
Life seems want me to be one of those bed, lying there unmoving and cold. Because when I tripped and shouted in fear, the entity of fear jumped on me with her hands wrapping around my leg as I scream for my dear life. My voice distorts and I scream louder as if I had my leg severed. It bite me. The woman bit me. I need to wake up if I want to live.

  
"Tzuyu?!"  
That voice...

  
His voice...

  
It has been weeks since I heard from Mina unnie's ex. Everything rushes back to my head. He removes the girl from me and dragged me away from the black figure as far as he can. This is only a dream right? Her bite is not venomous or harmful right?

  
"You need to wake up fast" he looks deep in to my eyes and I notice that his left eye is gold "Tzuyu!" he shouts at me in panic

  
"I— I don't know Mark! I haven't figured it out yet" avoiding his heavy stare.  
"Okay. You don't have to yet" He lifted my chin up and look straight "Sorry but you really need to"

  
With one look behind me, I see the woman running towards us and he turns me to face him to land a solid punch on my face.

  
"What the fuck happened to you?" Chaeyoung asks as soon as I opened my eyes, blocking the view of the age stained ceiling.

  
I sit up and look at her clock. Sunday, 8 AM. I want to punch a wall or something. I groan as I rub my jaw from the imaginary inflicted pain by that punch, never failing to send me a shock and sigh a heavy "Fuck"

  
Because whou wouldn't frown at what happened? I can't even sort my own feelings right now.

  
"Mina unnie's ex punched me"

______________  
"What kind of magical creature are you?" I asked as I stare at the brown stains on my room's ceiling while the rabbit mascot sits on my desk chair, not talking.

  
After the incident at the club, I avoid going to the same direction. And I don't think Mark wants to see me there at all. Not that he hates me but he wants me to stay away as possible. I need to find information about that club and how there are only 3 eye colors that exists in this world, why is my eye in magenta, let alone the fact that the other eye is different in color.

  
"Can you talk?" Still no response

  
"Move?" I met another silence

  
"Can you even understand me?" I froze for a while and had my eyes widen in surprise. Thank God for getting a nod out of it.

  
"So we can communicate and talk?" another nod I got out of it.

  
I ask myself how. The rabbit refuses to talk or even do a gesture except nodding, so how can I come up with a method to make it talk with me?

  
"..."

  
"You can come up with a way you how you want to communicate"

  
"..."

  
The silence continue for a brief moment. I almost lose my hope to get a response out of it that it shocked me when a light bulb pops out above its head... Literally, and the light blinks in an unusual pattern. Long beams to short beams, what is it doing?

  
"Morse code?" I said asking for a confirmation.  
 _"-- --- .-. ... . -.-. --- -.. ." (Morse code)_

  
If lucid dreaming is not that crazy already, I don't know if I will survive another ordeal in this scale. I thank that this dream thing has its own perks. I can translate the morse code immediately thanks to that.

  
3 days in to my training to properly wake up by my own and the rabbit still has to punch me, and everytime I wake up, I was so used to being punched that the pain lessens drastically.

  
The 4th day came and out of all the days that I spent with this fluffy creature, this day is the most different. Not only did we have a closer relation ship now (somehow) but today, I sit infront of it to inspect the light closer only for it to release a speaker out of its belly and replied with a beeping sound. It took me by surprise and my ears hurts after waking up.

  
Tonight is the 5th day the rabbit and I have been talking to each other. Actually, before I enter the realm of lucid dreaming, I dreamed about Mina unnie's water drenched flawless legs. And as much as I wanted to forget about everything, the fact that Mina unie rarely goes home when everyone is still awake or still at the living room causes me to wonder and think about her more. I guess my fate really wants me to remember it as much as possible.

  
Maybe it is a good idea to tell it to the fluffy creature beside me as I look at these dirty ceiling. Because as much as I let this issue bury inside me, the more that I will avoid everything about her.  
"Hey" I called the rabbit and continued "Can you lend me an ear? I just don't have anyone to tell it comfortably"

  
The rabbit didn't budge for a few seconds like as if it was confused and unsure but soon did nod to my request.

  
"I... I don't know what I feel. I have this dorm mate that just broke up with her boyfriend and I... Kind of have a crush on him—Jesus!"  
I immediately shoot up from my bed when a loud unbearable beep comes out of the rabbit's speaker, having both of its hands covering its mouth as if it is pretending to be surprised.  
"Do you react like that when you are suprised?" I said as I clench my chest feeling my beating heart.  
 _"Yes"_  
"Please lower the volume next time. I almost died" I composed myself and lie down again "Yeah, I have a crush on him but I really don't like his attitude. And when they broke up I actually slept on the room in front of mine because I was supposed to say sorry but I..." there it is again, the fluttering feeling at my stomach. "I said sorry but when the morning came I saw— I saw—" I can't say it.

  
_"Calm Down"_

  
Breathe in... Breathe out, I did what the rabbit told me to do and in a few seconds I am already as calm as I was before.  
"I saw her naked legs when she came out of the shower. She's only in her towel and— and her legs oh god— water drips from it"

  
Another round of deafening beeping sound follows its astonishment.

  
"Please say something and stop the beeps"

  
It left me confused. The moment the rabbit fixed its posture and implied being serious and started talking

  
 _"It is normal, don't worry. You may find it weird to have an attraction when two of them were related plus the little reveal there. I understand the concern"_ it paused and clasped its hands.

  
_It is okay to be confused but don't let it be the source of your indecisiveness"_

_______________

  
2:30 AM

  
I already lucid dreamed and still wake up at the wrong time.  
"Maybe I should learn when to wake up too" I whisper in the air talking to myself.

  
"Don't let it be the source of your indecisiveness"

  
Isn't indecisiveness just another meaning for confusion? What is even the difference. How is it being indecisiveness when I don't have feelings for both of them...

  
Or not...

  
"No, no, no, no, no, noooo..."

  
I don't have feelings for them. I can't say I don't have a crush because I do have this ticklish sensation when I see them sometimes.

  
I still consider myself as straight.

  
Am I?

  
_*Knock knock*_

  
Who in this dormitory sleeps like me? Is it a robber? Did Dahyun locked the gate?

  
Another set of knock echoes the hollow walls of my room and I am panicking.

  
Should I...

  
"Tzuyu I know you're awake, open the door!"

  
The same cherry and flower scented perfume that tickles my nose and feels like I am lifted by a strong visible gush of scent. Nayeon unnie passes me by like a lightning and lie straight to my bed.

  
"What are you doing?" I said a little dismayed

  
"I'm having nightmares, let me sleep beside you for today!" fright visible in her voice.

  
So why me? Is it because I am always awake that I can keep her company? Understandable but they know I hate sharing bed.

  
"Jeongyeon said it is too dangerous to go home so she's staying somewhere, Momo's still missing and Sana went bar hopping—"

  
"To find Momo unnie?" I interjected. She nods.  
Sana unnie never goes bar hopping— let alone go to a club. She refuses to. I heard from Momo unnie that she had a traumatic experience from her first AND last club visit so that might be the most probable explanation why she never went in the first place.

  
"I was about to go with her but she found out I still have plates and literally dragged me back home" I totally can see that in my head.

  
Mina's back on the Archery Team so she might be hanging around with her members aaaand you know how Chaeyoung wants to do sport shots"

  
This shouldn't reach Dahyun. I don't want to console her worse than before.

  
"Are you okay? I mean you suddenly looked stressed"

  
I should watch my expression. No one should know a thing about it until Dahyun's the one to tell them.  
"Yeah. Just remembered something unpleasant"

  
But Nayeon unnies is never to let it just pass by. I appreciate the concern but the concern is not even mine. I kindly declined for it to be talked about and thank goodness she's not nosy.  
"Oooookay? So it's actually only us here. Dahyun went home and Jihyo... I don't know where she is and most likely won't even go back before morning. She didn't tell if she's coming back or not" I nod.

  
Wait, she's still on my bed.

  
I stare at her for a couple of second and she does the same. I feel something thingly, something awkward that wants me to bang my head on the wall. This is such a nuisance, I still can't hold a staring contest so I looked away.  
"Get out of my bed"

  
I don't know why she, she in particular, disregards the fact that I HATE sleeping besides anyone. I hate the body presence of anyone on my bed. But she still has the plan to persuade me by clinging on my arm and pleads.  
"Come on, Tzu. I am having nightmares. Just this time, please. I'll help you with your maths tomorrow, 3 PM at the coffee shop nearby, okay? "

  
Should I sacrifice my comfort for knowledge? But it is almost the end of class, Tzuyu, is it worth it? Maybe. I never have an above average score in my maths so maybe getting this opportubity will prepare me for the upcoming semester.

  
"Okay. But the next time you're sleeping here you are sleeping on the floor, okay?" she did nod but it is very obvious how reluctant she is in agreeing. I keep arguing with her that she has to respect my preference when I stopped and suddenly realizes something that bothers me. There is silence for a few seconds and she started to show worry in her face. We are two girls inside one room, young, vulnerable, and unprotected.

  
"Did you lock the gate?" I asked  
"No? Maybe Dahyun locked it"

  
Impossible. I just remember Dahyun leaving before Nayeon unnie even arrived. No... I have my doors locked so we're still safe. Yes, thats still safe, right? But as much I am bothered by her presence, the unlocked gate irritates me so much. Should I lock it? No Tzuyu, it is already almost 3 AM. But what if... What if, Tzuyu? Yes go lock the gate.

  
Ughhh I hate how I am uneasy at the fact that the gate is unlocked.  
"I am going down" I stand up and grab my taser gun on my desk. Not that I hate that I have to go down, I am not comfortable that Nayeon unnie keeps tugging on my arm.  
"Stop! I am scared to be alone!"

  
Something more that I hate about myself— I can't pull back my arm because I don't want her to fall face flat on the floor.

  
"Then come with me"  
"Fuck no! Just let the gate unlocked. We're in seoul, Tzuyu. No one robs houses here"  
"It's not that! I just feel uneasy leaving an unlocked gate. Don't worry, I have a taser. Want me to try it on you first?" suddenly pressing the taser pointing it upwards, lighting up the room from the electricity for a millisecond.  
"You're an ass"

  
She finally gives up and timidly follows my footsteps. Is she that scared to curse throughout the hallway?  
"Fuck, fuck fuck! I am more scared of ghosts than intruders" she stretches out a hand and grabs softly on my pinky finger as if her survival depends on our contact.

  
"Oh FUCK!" She screams when her phone suddenly rings. I chuckled at how she looks so defenseless, contrary to her normal over-flowing self confidence. But as soon as she see the caller ID, she literally went calm, her grip on my finger tightens but eventually let go. No, more likely she's suddenly down, as if she is scared of something that she didn't anticipate. I started to wonder what is the call was supposed to be about for her to turn grim all of a sudden.

  
"Are you done?" Nayeon unnie asks as she bites her nails, something different from what she displayed a while ago. She is definitely anxious. Her phone was put on silent but the vibration comes and go every little while and she just straight ignores it even we were in bed already.

  
Nayeon unnie didn't talk anymore that night.

________________

  
8 AM, I woke up from another round of vibration on my bed. I checked everything that can be the source but it's not coming from the things that I own. I noticed how Nayeon unnie's phone keeps on vibrating and the screen is lit. Who is the one calling to leave 30 missed calls and counting, the caller is not even registered. I look at my side and see how the girl beside me sleeps so peacefully as if she's not scared and anxious earlier. Her sunkissed cheeks are like shining, smooth porcelain with a slight blush from both her heat and the cold temperature that just compliments her now-peeking rabbit front teeth, grazing on her plump, red lips.

  
I should just let her sleep and just let her phone ring. I know she will definitely know how her phone almost explode from the constant ringing, it will die down. It did, for 30 minutes. Who is this and why is he not satisfied with her unspoken answer after 59 misssd calls?

  
"Who the fuck is that?" thank goodness Nayeon unnie is half-asleep, stretching on my bed as she turns to another comfortable position.

  
"I don't know, it's unregistered"  
"Tell them that I am still sleeping and to shut the fuck up"

  
Wow, how can she make me take errands for her and how can she talk like that wile half-asleep?

  
I answered the call and immediately heard a deep, tired man's voice.  
 _"Thank goodness Nayeon, you picked up!"_  
"I-I am not unnie, she's back to sleeping. She asked me to tell you to s-shut up"

  
He chuckles, as if he didn't bother and was so used at her telling him that.  
 _"Do you know where she's going later?"_

  
I really shouldn't because I don't know him, he could be someone she despises, but Nayeon unnie is actually listening.

  
"Tell him I am teaching you later and don't bother finding me so shut the hell up"

  
"She—" but I guess he also heard her.  
 _"It's ok. I heard her clear. Thanks for picking up"_  
"O-okay"

  
The call ended. But I am still a little scared, I didn't even asked who he is. Nayeon unnie is not in the right state to answer question because she is half-asleep! I know, I have been there. You won't even know you are answering the right answer. I should have let the phone rang until the battery drained. 

  
8:32, I checked my phone and find a message.

  
From Mina unnie?!  
 _"Are you free later?"_  
Wait, why? Why is she asking me. Isn't she supposed to be with Chaeyoung for a shoot?

  
My phone suddenly rings. Why is Dahyun calling?

  
"Hello?"

  
There is a long silence befor she talks.  
 _"Did you ask Chaeyoung to come here?"_  
"No. I mean I really don't want her to have the thought that you're telling me things and pressure her— I mean I want this to be over too but—" I think I am talking nonsense again.  
 _"I know, Tzuyu. You don't have to explain"_ she chuckles but soon sighs

  
Why do I have hunch on what is happening.

  
_"Chaeyoung came. She even met my parents before me"_

  
Does that mean she cancelled all the plans for today and because of that, Mina unnie is asking me to go out?

  
Go out, with Mina unnie, going out with Mina unnie, Tzuyu. She is asking you out, Tzuyu for goodness sake!

  
"Let me sleep more. Keep quiet" she turns around again and plops down on her stomach, face on the pillow.

  
"Oh, sorry. I'm going out now" I hurriedly go to the balcony so I can let Nayeon unnie sleep peacefully when she should be go back to her own bed.  
 _"Nayeon unnie slept with you again?"_  
"Yeah. She said she's having nightmares"  
 _"I see..."_ I can feel it. I can feel the teasing in her tone. I should just let it be for now and this will pass.  
 _"I'll tell you everything when we get back tomorrow"_  
"You're staying the night?"

  
Dahyun suddenly grew silent and sighs  
 _"You know Eunbi, right?"_  
"Yeah, she is in my English class. Why? You two are close with her, right?"

  
Another sigh from Dahyun can be heard from the other end.  
 _"She died in her sleep earlier. We're going to her funeral"_

  
There is a sharp sting in my chest. How? How did she die in her sleep? I just saw her last Tuesday and she looks very healthy. There is this sudden thought in me that send shivers down my spine. My knees began to weaken and I can't get a word out of my mouth.

  
Is she a lucid dreamer?

  
 _"Tzuyu?"_ Dahyun sounds concern in the other end.  
"I-I am fine. I was shocked that I can't speak. Hang in there, and stay safe. See you later"  
 _"Okay. See you later"_

  
Dahyun hung up.

  
Why do I feel that it has something to do with lucid dreaming? It is so unusual to see a 20-year old to die in such manner when she is very active in sports also.

  
I really should be careful in that world if I don't want people to feel shocked because I died. Maybe I can get informations there if Eunbi is really a lucid dreamer. But if I do find out the she really is, won't that make me more scared for my life?

  
Ahhh! I should not think about that for now. All I need to think about is how can I wake from lucid dreaming and when to wake up, and what should I reply Mina unnie.

  
Right, Tzuyu. Let's take this one step at a time. You will forget her water-dripping legs as time goes by.


	4. [4]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tzuyu goes back to the land of the dreams and encounters someone there, and it is not the Rabbit Mascot.

"Unnie, can you sleep in your room? I have to go to class and I need to change now" I whine for the nth time and beg her to just lift herself and sleep in her own room. It is already 10 AM and my class is at eleven.

"Just change already. I already have seen tons of naked bodies so it really is nothing" I don't know if this is just because she is in a groggy state, twirling in my bed as she finds a comfortable position, half-awake but this is definitely getting on my nerves.

"Do you want me to drag you back to your bed or are you going to walk yourself back?" I close my eyes as I plead silently to the gods if they can magically lift the body in front of me and place it somewhere other than my room.

"Oh please, Tzuyu. We know you're good at acting tough but I bet you won't and can't do that" How can she be more right on that? All I can do is close my eyes and silently berate myself that I can't even command them in my territory.

Should I just change here? God, I don't think she'll even move an inch away from my bed.

I sigh and feel wary as I unbutton my top, feeling vulnerable even in just two buttons off.  
"O-okay. Can you at least—" I look over my shoulder, halting my actions to see if it is at least safe enough to take off my top, as if I am being surrounded by wolves, ready to devour my flesh aggressively "—Cover your eyes and turn around?"

Nayeon unnie kindly take my favor and burry her face on my pillow, chuckling as she says words to let me know it is already safe.

"You know you can change in your bathroom" she chuckles more.

Oh, why didn't even I think about the most obvious, safest way to change clothes. When will I stop embarrassing myself in front of others? What is even there to make me so nervous in just changing clothes? I want to bang my head on a wall.

"Shut up and just sleep"

Nayeon unnie might stay here for a while. She rarely goes out of her room before 12 PM on her vacant days and I can already picture that she will only get off the bed at around 2:30 PM for our schedule later, and I bet she will rush taking shower, choosing outfit, and putting lipstick in that slim 30 minutes.

But who called her? Should I open it up to her or not? It has been hours yet not even a single glimpse on her phone and I am getting antsy in every minute that pass. Because the tone of that man is as if he is really being avoided on purpose.

"I'm going. There's breakfast on my table. I know you don't leave the bed before noon. Put it back in the kitchen when you're finished" I said and took my bag from my desk chair. When I take a last look on unnie, I saw her already sitting up, looking at her phone, and is already massaging her temples.

I guess my hunch is right. She's not like how she was last night but how her vibe suddenly changes from her fun personality gives it. I should have let it rang.

"Unnie, I'm sorry"

She shakes her head and raised her head to give me a smile. A smile that is obviously forced.

"It's okay. I asked you to answer it"

No, it is not. That smile was never okay in any angle. I am frozen on my spot as I look at her feeling sorry and dumb at how I didn't follow my own judgement when she already gave a huge hint the night before.

But she looks at me back with her smile that assures me that it was nothing, that I didn't do anything bad, asking me to feel better.

I left the dorm full of guilt.

News spreads fast in the campus. Eunbi was never a stranger to anyone, instead, she is actually a well-known volleyball player. There are even rumors about her that the national team is eyeing on her. Eavesdropping is not one of my hobbies but I don't really have a choice but to accidentally listen to the conversation of the students in front of my table in the cafeteria.

"I heard she's been visiting a psychiatrist before she died" a student with curly short hair with glasses said in a very gossip tone.  
"Did she—"

I slammed my book and pretend to study as I clear my throat, that silenced them a bit. I don't like gossips but the least that I will tolerate is having prejudice against people who visit a mental health facility suddenly dying is already concluded that they took their matters on their own hands.

I never understand the joys of gossip. What brings them good in talking about people that least concern them? Did it spark joy to them? What will they do with the information?

Will that do good to the dead?

My eyelids suddenly feel heavy, the voices of the student in front of me becomes incoherent and the book is surprisingly close to my face. How many hours was my sleep?

"I shouldn't" I mumbled and shake my head, trying to keep my self awake. Nayeon unnie is going to tease me if I am late again.

But maybe a wink won't hurt, just to lessen the strains of my lids.

Then suddenly I remembered

I didn't send Mina unnie a reply.

Horror is one genre that I don't pay attention at all. For one, I don't like the feeling of your heart beating erratically, beating and painfully hitting my rib cage as it tries to jump out of my chest. Two, I just don't like it. I can walk down in a narrow dark alley by myself at night and not get scared at all but watching is another thing for me.

But here I am inside Mina unnie's unlit room, the television is the only source of light, while the others is on their own comfortable place to watch.

Chaeyoung and Dahyun sit on the floor in front of the sofa, an arm dangling down at each other's shoulder and eating popcorn like they are watching a comedy.  
Sana unnie's on the side of the sofa with her phone, rarely glancing away from it, busy contacting several people to find Momo unnie, who is currently absent.  
Jihyo unnie's nagging at Jeongyeon unnie just because she forgot to wash her mug and left in the sink for half a day when both of them just hate dust but it is only the first time she did that because she's already late for training.  
Nayeon unnie's on the table at the side, palms on her head and pushes her hair back, looking stressed and tired. I don't know if I am seeing right but her eyes are watery and she refuses to lift her head.  
And Mina unnie is beside me on the couch, has her arms around mine, hiding her face on my shoulder every time there is a jump scare.

I can feel my whole body heat up. Every touch of her face on my shoulder feels like a great torture to gear up my already confused feelings. Do experiencing the next step— skinship— will help me sort my feelings? Or this kind of scenario just escalates everything to something you don't even want to?

Mina unnie screams and burry her face deeper to my neck. God must have found a sense of amusement in watching me suffer from all the unfamiliar feelings emerging from the pits of my stomach as she continues to grab hold on my arm.

"U-unnie" I uttered full of air, trying to remove her grip but that small—SMALL touch of her lips brushing over the skin of my neck leaves me incapacitated, defeated, and frozen under her touches.

 _"I see you"_ A deep, terrifying, cold voice of a man whispers like a loud gush of the wind echoes at the wooden walls of the room. The sensation the girl beside me no longer lingers. The source of the uncomfortable feelings is now replaced.

"Go away!" Nayeon unnie screams as she holds her head in terror, shaking aggressively on the table.

 _"Nayeon"_ the man repeated with cold air. Everything stop as if is on pause except for Nayeon unnie and I.  
"Go away, please. Let me live peacefully!" she collapses on the floor, still holding her head for her dear life.

"What the—" I can't move! Mina unnie's grip glued me on the couch. I try hard to reach Nayeon unnie but with the body attached on my arm, I am not capable of anything, completely useless on the side watching the other girl squirm in horror, frustrated that I can't do anything to comfort her.

The lights went off. The voice of the man chills the pitch-black room. Nayeon unnie's never stopped screaming, cursing at nothing. I feel so useless. Why can't I move?

"Tzuyu" a familiar voice coming from the door sounds.

"Tzuyu wake up" the door opens and someone with a light enters, going towards me.

"Tzuyu, wake up!"

What?

"Wake up and lucid dream!"

"E—elkie?"

Elkie is that one friend of yours that just connects you to everyone. She's part of everyone's circle. I was surprised to see her hanging out with Dahyun before but as time flows and I keep seeing her with probably everyone that I know in that town, I stopped bothering to get surprised and just assume that she knows majority of the students in the university.

Everyone likes her. I like her. She's the reason why I found out about the vacancy in our dorm in the first place.

"So we really are going to have our first coffee here after I left the team?" I sit at the kitchen, watching her navigate around as if she's been a resident of this domain while in reality, this is her first time here.

"You're having chocolate, not coffee. This could be the perfect coffee date if you would just drink my coffee that is to die for, and yes, we are having it here" she sits opposite of me and place my cup in front of me and she takes a sip of her coffee that is _'to die for'_

She knows that I am an insomniac from the start and she knows that is one of the reasons why I quit. I sometimes think why she's the person I befriended in the team when in all honesty, she is too much for me to handle. She uses coffee to tease me or even blackmail me to make me do things for her.

Yes, she is annoying but I appreciate the comfort she's giving me. She will always be that one friend I will always treasure.

"I don't even have a proper sleeping pattern. I'd be the first one to steal that from your hands if I want to ruin my life" I said as I take a sip on my chocolate.

But every friendship has something you hate, right?

She takes a bite on her bread and has this very annoying grin plastered on her face. Teasing me again about my dating life.  
"But really, Tzuyu. Mark's ex? Your crush's ex? You are getting flustered over a teeny tiny small skin contact?"

I sigh and rub my forehead. I know this is going to happen because she digs too deep when it comes to me because I just can't lie and ending up telling everything I shouldn't.

"You know I didn't grow up in that kind of environment"

But she has a contradiction in everything I say just to push her agenda.  
"Yes, you didn't. But flustered and beet red? Tzuyu, you feel uncomfortable at something you don't enjoy, not getting turned on"  
I just hate her during these times.

"No wonder you have the hots for Nayeon unnie"

That joke is getting old. Yes, I know that they relentlessly tease me to her and how I always find her _annoying_ but go breathless from time to time on how attractive she is, but that is just pure admiration. EVERY ONE finds her attractive. If I do really am attracted at her, I think I would like her personality and how she keeps on taking care of me, more than her beauty.

I hate her for bringing it up that I glare at her and wish her cup of coffee disappears. And it did disappear.

"Hey— give me back my coffee. That won't change the fact that you literally went 180 there when Nayeon unnie started to go hysterical in your dream"

"I—"

"Don't ever bother explaining. I saw it clear with my own 20/20 vision eyes. Case closed"

That _case closed_. That freaking phrase. If she says that, all of my explanations would just go down the drain. She will never ever answer my replies for the mean time if I ever retort back. And that is the sole reason why I always lose to her, also the sole reason why she keeps on teasing me because it never had the proper closure.

"Don't worry. You have exquisite taste and it's cute" she winks at me as she does the chef's kiss, drinks at the coffee that just pops back on her hand and bites on her bread as if she's mocking me for not retorting back.

This is the time that I scream at her annoying tease. I want to say a loud and strong "Fuck you" at her.

I won't lie. The way she lambasting her bread in every bite, the sips in her coffee that she will forever brag about, and just her talking to me face to face brings a lot of memories back. The little pang on my chest just proves that I have some regrets in quitting. I know I don't really let people in that much but if it is not in the dorms, it is in the soccer team where I find my small, shallow happiness that keeps my college life sane and less boring.

"Everyone's suddenly down after you quit. Add that we keep on losing every single game. Yeah, we are currently a mess" sipping on her coffee and placing it down to look at me with a small smile. I can feel her sadness, regrets, and longing in her smile, something that I miss.

"Don't guilt me—"

But she suddenly drilling her bread at me, all the crumbs aggressively scattering on the table and even on the floor as she keeps on pointing at at me.

"Yes, get guilty and come back! You. You. Yes you! Do you know that the coach keeps on nagging on us to get you back on the team?"

I stopped. Feeling flustered at the sudden reality that hits me as I stare at her eyes that speaks the truth out of what she said. She is dead serious, and those eyes say she is going to do her everything to get me back.

"You don't feel it because you don't want to see it. You have that role in the team, Tzuyu, but you programmed yourself to have little fun in college and just let a few— or should I say one to two person— in that world of yours" she sighs deeper this time and pushes her coffee as if she is done woth it for now.

"There are different levels of closeness and people do come and go, but that doesn't mean they don't care at all. They will always give you _that_ spot in their life"

Her hands travel from the other end, envoliping mine in her ever-warm palm, feeling the assurance and trust in those closed hands.

"So, open up with people. You can limit the closeness but don't confine yourself in that little world of yours. You don't have to carry the burden by yourself. Go out of that shell and have fun in your own way— introvert style" she winked and retracted her hands.

Is this the feeling of being wanted? It feels... Overwhelming but at the same time a very reassuring tickling sensation. Words are not really enough to describe. Maybe I really should try to let others interact with me to form a connection. Maybe to them, they do have a connection to me that I failed to see, making everything one-sided to them.

"Oh yeah, I was snooping around here for days waiting for you but I ended up seeing you in the cafeteria" she reached for her jeans' back pocket. She threw a notebook on the table and raises a brow at me.

"I know you have been very curious how I got in to your dream. Everything is in there"

I get the book and inspect it. It is very neat, organized and very... Manly.

I flip through to read the very first until the last, everything seems to be typewritten except for the drawings.

_"If you are reading this, ask yourself if you are forced to lucid dream or did you learn it by yourself"_

I was forced, I answered in my head.

_"Have you seen someone you like here and see them having a gold eye?"_

Y-yes

_"I will ask you again, were you forced to lucid dream?"_

Another yes in my part.

*"If yes, start thinking about what's happening in your life— your choices, feelings, and the path you are taking"

I look up with curious eyes to see Elkie asking me to continue reading.

The last part of the page has everything in bold with larger text.  
*"Liking a person with golden eye is a sign of something bad"

I turn to the next page and the whole paper only has the words  
_"Don't ever wish liking a person with a gold eye"_

I put down the notebook and look at Elkie in distress

"What's wrong? Know anyone with a gold eye?"

"Mark has a gold eye" my lips quiver and my jaws rattled in every word. "I- I think I should read in to it more"

I hurriedly flipped the page and read.

_I can't directly tell you what they are but beware. They are creatures of the night that will prey you over your most intimate vigor and suck you dry until you are pale and dead. They can stalk you in to your deepest dreams, knowing every inch of you, planning a detailed step to lure you in to their trap._

_They won't follow you in your dreams that easily, unless you are, and they know, that you are vulnerable enough to be attacked by them._

_They are dangerous. Stay away from them_

I rub my temples as I read through the next words. This is a mess or worse, this is torture. I don't believe in supernatural stuffs until this very moment. This is supposed to be a dream, and dreams are pleasant— mostly.

"You shouldn't stress yourself for now. It didn't state there what they really can do and there is an option to stay away from them. So, you—"

"Someone has already followed me in my dreams, Elkie, and they don't even have a gold eye. Everything about them is void" I put down the note book and sigh, burying my face onto the table. If the golden eyed people are dangerous, how dangerous is that mysterious presence after all?

I need a breather. If only Jeongyeon unnie is here, she would know what I should do.

The next pages of the notes are about the different establishments around, drawn with full details in a hatching technique, with the description on the side to support the image. Did the owner of this notes is skilled enough or did they wish for skills to draw?

_Some lucid dreamers are gifted with an ability. As soon as they wake up and their hand suddenly glows, following it to the direction where it shines the most can lead to a necklace that only they can see and can grant them the ability._

_There are only two abilities that can be granted. One, the ability to jump through dreams other than yours. You can see their actual dream and walk around the world inside their head; Two, the ability to see through their memories. I, myself can't testify to this. I know only a handful of people who has this ability. Accessing memories can be tricky according to them_

A picture of a long, rigid stone-like pendant was drawn on the side of information. I quickly look up and try to find the pendant on Elkie around her neck but I only see coffe stains on her white shirt.

"Do you have the necklace?" I asked her.

"Yeah, all safe and sound" she tugged it with a proud smile but I just really can't see a thing. As if she's imagining to tug a necklace like a fool.

"Do you want to find yours? I mean, maybe you do have an ability"

"Later. I need to wake up now. Nayeon unnie's going to teach me." I stand up and hurriedly went to her side to ask her to punch me. Of course, she would laugh, but that is the only way for me to wake up.

"Will I wake up at the right time?" I asked

She looks at her timer on her side "We've been here for One and a half hour. So you've been sleeping for 45 minutes for now" she said "The time is frozen but also flowing here. The day is twice longer so just divide it in two and you'll know how long you have been asleep"

Interesting... I will try to read this notebook later and maybe I can get more information about the laws of science here.

"Oh right, before you wake up" She sighs and put her hands on my shoulders. "You know that my dorm mate is Jeongyeon unnie's classmate"

I nod.

"I know she's very capable of protecting herself but watch out for her, Tzuyu. It is the first time I saw her getting afraid of going home at such an early time. Brian from the next dormitory insisted on walking her home like they used to these days but she declined and just stayed the night in our dorm"

I knew there is something off when Jeongyeon unnie started having company going home. I really should ask her as soon as I wake up.

"And Momo unnie, too. She's close to skin and bones, Tzuyu. Maybe you should get her see a doctor. I don't know, she's obsessed with workout and diet plans"

"Momo unnie hasn't been home for 2 weeks now" I said

"Really?"

"Yeah. Sana unnie even went bar hopping for here even though she hates it"

"Oh."

Elkie distanced herself, warming up her shoulders and hands, cracking her neck, and strided.  
"You're going to punch me, not a boxing match"

"Tzuyu" I hear a familiar voice that is not from here, as if it comes from above.  
"Tzuyu, wake up" the voice repeats.

"Wait!" But it was futile, before I knew it, I exclaimed a tired and groggy "Damn you" as I flutter open my eyes and see those drowning warm eyes again after a while. It was Mina unnie, leveling her face to mine that is against the table, smiling at me with that ever-warm beam once again. But everything comes back to me after a few seconds.

Those _specific_ thoughts bring back the chills on my spine.

"Nayeon unnie said to find you and since you might be sleeping somewhere again"

And Nayeon unnie is right. She has always been right.

Is this the way the universe telling me to square up and stop being a coward? I know Nayeon unnie didn't intend to make us meet and I am sure she has no idea what happened. She's been in the confinements of her room for two weeks now and she has no time to meet even us in the living room.

I feel uneasiness throughout my whole body. The way I walk as my fingers curls on the hem of my shirt, digging in to the poor flesh of my palms. The park irritates me, the pink hearts all over the park irritates me, my thoughts irritates me, my whole existence irritates me. Everything irritates me but those irritations seems to be the manifestation of my anxiety of the moment. I am used to this. After all, I was born anxious at anything I do, surrounding me— Everything. And what's more ticking me off is that all I can think of right now is how Mina unnie's legs looked that _time_. She's so pure and charming. Her looks are as if those quirky innocent girls that has this side that can be also fun and energetic. Everything about her is so pure that I am losing my head because I keep thinking about her soaked legs. I hate it. I hate how I think like this.

Mina unnie and I continuously walked the pink-decorated park, screaming at us saying that it's only been a week since Valentine's has ended. At first, I didn't pay attention to the ornaments flying around majority of the city but as soon as it gets too crowded in the streets and the over decorating of the ornaments, I find festivities like this a little inconvenient in everyday life.

"Looks like they don't plan on removing those _hearts_ " she said with a chuckle, looking amused at the extended event "Did you had a date last Valentine, Tzuyu?"

"No. I haven't had one" I said with a small smile.

I have my reasons. One, I am in a foreign country and I don't trust too much when I am not _home_ ; Two, I... pretty am a late bloomer— if that is the right term. The moment that I get the slightest slight interest in dating, I am already here, and yeah, I don't trust people in a foreign land— to be honest, most people. I think most people who knows me will think that it is only natural for me to be not in a relationship or just go on dates and flirtings and it won't even surprise them.

But Mina unnie seems to be taken aback. She thinks I atleast would get asked out. I was never asked out at least once and I don't plan on accepting at all if ever there is one. And I was right, she asks why when there are people willing to line up, but I straight up shrugged and reply "I am not interested in dating at all"

"Would you reject it if I ask you now?"

I stopped in my tracks abruptly, looking at her surprised, trying to digest her question and what would be my actual answer.

Is she...?

Is this flirting?

"I am kidding" she pulls me by the arm, guiding me to the destination and soon gives a playful grin "but you went silent. Are you thinking for an answer?"

My heart, the blood pumping tissue caged in my chest, is experiencing such phenomenon. It is beating too hard like a hound that has been on cage for decades. All I can hear is ringing in my ears, my jaws froze, and my lids flutters. I stare at her with that playful grin plastered on her face as I continue to try and fix my malfunctioning senses. I can't even tear away my eyes from here.

This is the first time I see her this straight-forward and _aggressive_ , and my heart is making it harder for me to recover from such question.

She looks at her watch and dragged me away by my arm with a little giggle "We still have one hour before we meet unnie"

I didn't protest. Why would I?

"I'll take you on a date. Your silence means yes after all"

Maybe that is what I really intend to answer. Did she read my mind? I can't believe I will do this a lot today but _'fuck it,_ I curse inside my head.

I suddenly remember parts of my dream when Mina unnie keeps un burrying her face on my shoulder. What I did experience during that time triples right now. She buys me ice cream, suddenly linking arms from time to time, and leaning her head on my shoulder every time she has an opportunity. Maybe people that are watching us might find something wrong with me because I don't know to what extent the redness of my face, the beads of sweat on my forehead during this cold spring, and how stiff as steel I am right now.

No, I am not hating it. Maybe Elkie is right, this might be a turn on for me.

"I was planning to treat you out today but you didn't reply"

Oh. I forgot about that.

"Then Nayeon unnie said I should join you two for a tutoring session so... I guess the gods want us to meet up and have fun today"

And that gods must want me to suffer.

Then Mina unnie started playing with the tissue wrapped around her cone, releasing a small smile and looks at me.

"I want to say sorry about the day you saw me only in my towel"

The feeling of uneasiness lessens. And for a while, I can now actually look in to her eyes compared to earlier. I guess I am not the only one bothered by it.

"I found out from Jeongyeon unnie that you were raised too conservatively and you feel uncomfortable in a slight showing of skin"

Jeongyeon unnie... She always does the most for us, and I don't blame Mina unnie if she really did come to her for help, I also do that.

She chuckles heartily with her gummy smile "I just realized I really like your company so I panicked when I noticed you're a little aloof to me"

My heart feels like it is going to burst and I don't know if my face will redden more than I actually am right now. Hearing someone liking my company is something I do appreciate. For someone as unremarkable and as anxious I am, it might be a huge feat for me and for Mina saying it, I am going to repeat it in my head for days or maybe even months.

"So don't do that to me again. I'll be very sad" the way she says it. The way how she turns and look at me. The way she smiles after that.

God, please give my heart a break.

Thank god my phone rings. If it didn’t, I would be stuck at Mina unnie's intense loving stare ang make myself uncomfortable from all the feelings that is surging around me.

"Where the hell are you two? Did you sleep somewhere again?" Nayeon unnie didn't stop the onslaught of questions and she didn't seem to be happy about it. When I look at the time, it is already 3:05 PM

"W-we're sorry! We're going now"

"Please, just be here already"

"O-okay"

I hung up. The one thing I noticed in the whole conversation is how she's too cautious and bothered.

She's the same as when she found out I answered the call.

"We should go now, unnie" I stand up and furiously eat the remaining cone and wipe my face with a napkin.

"Is there something wrong?"

I didn't answer her.

Yes, there is something bad but I don't know how _bad_ it is. It may not be life threatening but I know Nayeon unnie is in a situation she doesn't want to be in.

And this happened because I answered the call. It is all a hunch but I am certain it has something to do with it.

I walked as fast as I can. I don't want Mina unnie to think something wrong is happening. It might be a wrong assumption and it might not be leaf threatening but the least I can do is walk fast.

When we reached the store front, we see Nayeon unnie already in her bag, ready to go home when suddenly a man with a bouquet of roses kneels in front of her and asks her

"Will you be my date for the ball?"

People around who witnessed it, everyone in the vicinity congratulates them and even convincing her to say yes. Everyone is ecstatic and happy.

Everyone but her.

She's terrified. She is stressed. And that is the first time I see her like that.

The first time I see her helpless and vulnerable like how she was in my dream earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate that there are people liking this. Thank you, really. 
> 
> If you have ideas, you can leave it in the comments. I want to know what you think of this story :)
> 
> Thank you so much people!


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